tired

[sage]

yes, I then did say a few things I shouldn't have but wtf?

You mean you said them to h? or to someone else?
We may come back to this later

when I called home from the ship h was distant and sounded like he was talking to a stranger. When he picked me up at mothers house yesterday he greeted mom with a kiss, moms bf with a kiss and then me with a distant kiss less friendly than that he just given my mother. We returned home I handed out the gifts I had purchased for the kids, h, mil, grand mil and fil...h then sat at the puter for a long while...mil and grand mil decided it time to leave so I set out about straightening up the house, putting laundry away etc. H came up to do I don't know what and as I was on my way down the stairs called from the bedroom saying "hey, come in here" I just kept walking but then returned...he gave me a real kiss but then the kids started making a ruccuss so I turned and walked back down stairs..h then put on his boots and spent the next 4 hours mowing the lawn (and later admitted that was a screw you I'll just go cut the lawn type of thing) he didn't get back into the house until I was already giving dd a bath.

OK...so he was mad still...were you? and then it sounds like a lot (a lot!) of catching up with lots of people...no surprising but doesn't give a lot of catch up time with just h, I suppose.

h was aparently expecting an appology from me for mothers day and refuses to see how he may need to offer up apologies himself for making such a fuss and ruining the short mothers day I had with the kids.

OK...do you feel as though you need to apologize? If so, did you? I kind of got the sense form the above that you might be holding out for an apology from him first ... true?

h shouldn't have come home as he hasn't bothered to change anything (other than getting rid of ow) and aparently expects me to do all the changing.

Well..there HAVE been periods of pretty positive changes, no? The question (IMHO) is what happens to make those changes not sustainable...

The things h said last night simply verify the way I feel...h talks about me not respecting him? what a crock of bs. He is living in the wrong era...or perhaps with someone of the wrong ethnicity..I am not his mother or his grandmother and I do not believe all that a h need do is provide monitarily and a womans job is to cook and clean and make life comfortable for him.

OK...list for me some ACTIONS that you think h means when he says "respect".

IOW...be really honest...what would h expect to be different in your actions?

honestly if he were to leave tommorow I'd probably breathe a sigh of relief. I'd ache for my children but not for myself...I've tried for so damn long that I'm dying inside.

Sage