Married 28 years, he told me he wanted a divorce Mar 2019, discovered the OW in Nov 2019 and I filed the next day. He ignored everything and we were NC so I had to hire a new attorney. I've had 10 court dates over 18 months and I'm still not divorced.
My pre-trial was Nov 3rd and her ruling was reasonable but he doesn't agree so now I wait. I'm out of cash, have a temporary support agreement and if he wants to stay married then we will stay married.
I am however fretting over how much it will cost when he does decide to finish this.
Hi Kass, if you are consistently nudging it forward at the usual court pace and you can accept what the judge proposed, I’d expect it to wrap up without much further ado from your side. If you both prefer what you have now, I’d expect it to remain unless/until one of you wants to remarry in 5-10yrs when being already married becomes an obstacle.
CW - I was afraid you'd say this. I'm 100% okay with what the judge proposed but he isn't so now I wait. This might be working for him but it's not for me. I get it isn't up to me unless I want to go into debt (I don't). The kids hate him and this isn't helping his case but oh well I guess he'd rather burn down the village than do the right thing. UGH
CW - I was afraid you'd say this. I'm 100% okay with what the judge proposed but he isn't so now I wait.
Originally Posted by kas99
This might be working for him but it's not for me.
It sounds like you expect asking for another court date will mean another postponement on his side and more wasted money on your side--how unfortunate. Sometimes motions to recoup costs are an option if the holds-ups appear to be on one side.
If the status quo isn't working for you, the burden's on you to make a change. If you don't feel asking the court for another date's going to help, the alternative is to offer your XH sweeter terms. That probably doesn't feel right or fair, but in the end it's economics. If it's going to cost you $X to drag this out, and offering 20% of $X gets him to sign..
The kids loving you and 2 out of 3 wanting to live with you is a huge win.
It's hard for me to fathom how drawn out this is if you want it to happen. How often is it said on here "it takes 2 to marry but 1 to get divorced", and mine seemed to go through with reckless abandon even though I didn't want it.
If you had a pre-trail with the judge who essentially said how she would rule, what else can your husband do?
It seems so bizarre and has to be frustrating for you. Sorry :-/
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
It sounds like you expect asking for another court date
I can't afford to take him to court again and the part where he's drug this out for almost 3 years doesn't motivate me to give up anything. I'll wait him out. Thankfully for me he's impulsive. Yes I've had 10 court dates but he only has one card left to play and it's to settle. The judge isn't going to give him a trial just because he wants one and if he insists I will get a bigger settlement. She will also order him pay my legal fees. She's had it with him.
]It's hard for me to fathom how drawn out this is if you want it to happen. How often is it said on here "it takes 2 to marry but 1 to get divorced", and mine seemed to go through with reckless abandon even though I didn't want it.
It's mind blowing how one person can control the process. My stbxh moved out almost 3 years ago, has a girlfriend and everything. I've been trying to get divorced for 2 years which is ridiculous.
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If you had a pre-trail with the judge who essentially said how she would rule, what else can your husband do?
It seems so bizarre and has to be frustrating for you. Sorry :-/
He can refuse to settle. I can't make him sign only a judge can do that. He's already made the judge angry so it's not in his best interest to go to trial. I don't have the money to take him back to court so I have to wait him out. I'm feeling better today because I'm going to "drop the rope". If he wants to stay married we will stay married since I've got temporary orders.
He might come through I'm just mentally preparing for the worst. It's been 5 weeks of radio silence (his norm) on a nothing divorce so I'm not all that optimistic. 10 court dates (most didn't happen but still) and still married. Wow.
Well it happened I had to put my rent on a credit card. He usually pays me before the 31st but this time FEELS different. He won't finish the divorce but I do have a temporary support agreement. Obviously if he doesn't pay me by 5pm on Monday I'll call my attorney but I want to be strategic about this. He's supposed to pay me on the 15th and the 31st but he's always late.
I cut everything off and will live on rice but I'm thinking WHEN he's late in February I should suck it and call my attorney. I think he needs a reminder of who he's dealing with. Thoughts?
Do not let lateness become the norm. If the monies are to be received by the 15th and 31st, then they should be. Hold H accountable. I’d allow one time, and contact H that one time. After that, let the L deal with it.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
