some know me, some don't...story doesn't matter much other than I was the lbs and h did come home...yes ow...claims no to pa..bla bla bla and all that shinola.

point...just got back from a vaca with my mom and grandmother...kids stayed with h, fil, mil and grand mil.

fought with h this evening...not pretty...he eventually pulled his typical end by going off to sleep...here I am...wrote a letter wich I will no futher edit...pick it apart if you wish.

I feel like a damn waw only I don't have the balls to really be one.

h,

something has to be done. No, that is not a threat. Clearly the threat is doing nothing at all.

It is blantatly obvious that neither of us is as happy as we should be in this marriage. We can assume that "it" just isn't there anymore or never was. But I think we both know that's BS.

I'm tired of having the same old fights with you over and over again. I'm tired of feeling like we are getting closer only to then feel like we are just going through the motions for the greater good.

I don't believe we want very different things and I don't believe it impossible for each of us to be happy and fullfilled in this relationship. How to get there and maintain it? Well it's certainly not going to happen by doing things the way we have been. Things are not falling into place they are falling apart.

I wanted to work on having a better marriage but most often find that all I can do is to keep my mouth shut and not ask anymore of you than you give.

I don't know what you want to do but I don't want to live this way anymore.

It is pitiful that all I wanted was to come home and know that I was missed but instead discover (as stated) that everyone was happier without me here.

I wanted to come home, take a shower and go to bed early with my husband but instead find myself sad and alone writing a letter to a h who was glad to see me go.
(yes he did say he was looking forward to my not being around)I probably wont sleep much and will be misserable tomorow and of course wont have the stomache to eat but I'll trudge through the day and put on a happy face for the kids.

Maybe I should go work the b or c shift some where then you can still have Your house and Your kids and Your money and not have to be bothered with me. Perhaps since I wouldn't be here to avoid you'd be around to spend more time with the kids like you did when you didn't want to live here.

I know 75% of this should be erased because you will hear nothing but a bitchy-pshyco talking to you but the basic point is I hate loving you and would like to change at least one of those words. as always the choice is yours.