@Kind18 - I've read your sitch and your name suits you very well. I cannot imagine what you have gone through with your W leaving like the way she did.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Based on your situation and their strong response, she was nowhere close to returning, and you say sending this is helping you to move on, that would make this course of action a winner for you.
Yep... I do feel SO much better for hearing from it. It has changed my mindset considerably and it is really helping me move on. I'm no longer beating myself up about telling her. I wanted her to know and I no longer regret it.
I'm gutted about the looming divorce, but what is troubling me more is the fact that I may lose my home. It seems so unfair that someone can walk away and still expect 50/50, which will mean selling the property. We bought it 11 years ago; it was a wreck and we have spent the last 11 years lovingly reconstructing it into our dream home. I don't want to lose it! I will go and see the lawyer who I saw a few months back next week so I can find out more.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
I'm looking forward to hearing your first few actions now that you're buckling down to it!
Actions 1. Find a new job. I told my boss today that I will be looking around. I'll find out in the next few days if my recent application will match current salary. To see STBXW every day (we work in the same school) is just too hard. My Headteacher came to see me today to say he really doesn't want to lose me and use the Christmas holiday to reconsider. It's nice to be wanted 2. Continue the gym. I've gone from 74kg to 60kg since BD, and will start training in the New Year for another 5K. Then maybe a 10K. The who knows... maybe further! 3. Continue using my validation skills on friends, kids and colleagues. It's great to see how this helps the other person. 4. Pack my bags for a fabulous holiday in Mexico over Christmas. 5. Keep reminding myself there must be a reason for all this and to keep optimistic about the future with all its possibilities. 6. Stop reading too many situations on this board. 7. Pack up any of STBXW's stuff that remain in the house and put in the garage. 8. Continue not drinking at home. Very proud of myself for that.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Do you have a plan on how you can you break this unhealthy pattern from happening in the future?
Although I feel her comment about me being controlling and manipulating was a tad harsh, I accept this is how she feels. I am careful how my words & actions may appear that way to others.
I have my therapist tomorrow. Last week, I was a complete mess with her. I am stronger today. Sad that it has to be this way, but feeling more ready to face what is about to happen in the New Year.
