OK OK, I've messed up. I hold my hands up and admit it, that I've REALLY messed up. Please don't be too "we told you so and you ignored us". Let me explain.
I don't think that you have.
Originally Posted by Magnhild
"I'm OK, doing fine, but really don't want this". Ooops. STBW launched into "I've been manipulated and abused by you, my family, my ex-BF for the last 41 years and I've had enough". I validated while she ranted and then went back inside.
On her suggestion, she advised writing it all down and letting her know how I was really feeling. Then sending it. I spent a while hovering over the "send" button, but though f**k it. I knew it was anti-BD. I should have cut off my fingers.
To cut it short, we met for a coffee the next day. She's done. She's SO done. She wants to wait until after the New Year and then will start divorce proceedings.
I needed to hear it. I've let myself down pretty badly, but in some ways it has helped. I need to properly let go. I thought I had, but I was trying to fake it until I made it. That hasn't worked. Nor has being honest with her.
The board usually recommends again such approaches for a couple of reasons: (1) Such statements rarely pull a WAS back in--and it often pushes them further in the opposite direction. (2) Sending "one last message" is usually the opposite of focusing on you and moving on with your life. Based on your situation and their strong response, she was nowhere close to returning, and you say sending this is helping you to move on, that would make this course of action a winner for you. Now, if in a few days, you're dragging your feet or want to send one more message--not so good.
Originally Posted by Magnhild
Time to dust myself down and buckle down to it. A friend gave me a great sticker: "Chin up, t*ts out". I might put that as my signature.
Yes!!!
I'm looking forward to hearing your first few actions now that you're buckling down to it!
