Some updating, its been awhile. Life goes on with no change in housing situation. I could speculate what S might be thinking or doing but none of that is constructive to my own path at the moment. Things are as normal as could be in this situation. Giving someone space who asked for space is what I am doing.
3 plus years since BD, it is crazy to think about. Marathon indeed, I cannot describe why I am doing what I am doing, other than to say it just feels this is what I should be doing. Maybe this makes sense to some of you, maybe not. I take it one day at a time and I have been for quite awhile now. Tomorrow is for tomorrow.
I have been having more PTSD related issues lately. I increased my sessions with IC and that seems to help some. The nightmares have become very intense. Ic says that is normal around anniversary events, even if I don't remember the dates consciously anymore. I had plans to join a physical support group but then covid cases started climbing again in my area. I am alright to wait.
A member of my family has reached out for the first time in over a year. It has been over 2 years for the rest of them. The conversation was cordial and no animosity was present. I listened more than I talked. It felt good to reconnect but I don't expect anything further. I think it's best that way.
Time goes on. It seems that patience and humility are the lessons I am meant to be learning. It has not been a journey without challenges but if I look at it over time I can see a pattern to the ebbs and flows. This past week was more of an ebb, a month ago it was more of a flow. Distance and enough time will show you these things if you are patient and humble.
So for me my time of quiet and meditation continues. I breathe more, live, rest when I get tired, which is quite often. I guess that is normal for now, and I am quite alright with it.
