Confused But Committed, Part 3

[Rita]

I am sorry I don't know your whole sitch but just saw this post. My advice is to embrace your new identity. You are a single dad. Be proud of it. Be the sole provider of love and care. Love your boys and enjoy every second. It goes fast. If you feel like it's unfair, read stories about people in Afghanistan or Syria or Ethiopia or any refugee camp and focus on how lucky you are. Forget about what your W does -- sleeping in or not, working or not, whatever. Just be a single father now and enjoy every moment and focus on making sure your boys never think you think it's unfair.

Need a break? Don't ask your W. Get a sitter. Can't afford it? Hire a 13-year old from the neighborhood to hang out with them while you do stuff around the house so you can have a break. Or find another single dad and take turns taking all the kids. Need more of a break? Drop them off with grandma or a friend.

You are a single dad now. Embrace it. That's your GAL.

If your W shows up sometimes, take a break then. If she doesn't, don't say anything. But maybe start keeping a record of these things in case you need it for court.

Is she sleeping in when you have to go to work? Put your kids in daycare in the mornings and drop them off on time. Don't rely on her. Don't want to put them in daycare? I know. It's wrong. They should have a loving mom. But they don't right now. And you can't afford to lose your job.

She isn't the woman she was. She's someone else right now. Stop expecting anything from her and stop noticing what she does.

If you want to see a possible trajectory of how this will go, you could read my thread. It's also possible that she will come out of it and come back -- and I truly believe in standing for your marriage. But while your W is this way, you can only stand for the marriage by embracing single fatherhood and being amazing at it. Stand for your family. Stand for your boys. Be the man you want them to be one day. Don't take this precious time with them for granted.