My W has a skewed view of R talks. In her mind she thinks that you only discuss it if there is an problem. So a state of the state talk, in her mind, is going to be me thinking there is a problem to be resolved. I did mind to say we never discuss the R, but it tends to be very organic, very spontaneous, kind of like the discussion where she said "we are always together". I really do not think this anything on her end at all. It isn't her being sad, withdrawn, etc. Nothing has changed (other than what I told WF about more intimacy) before this malaise to now. This is really totally on my side, and with me.
I disagree here Steve and you have a right to question/ be disappointed that when you come home from being away for seven days that she doesn't want to spend any time with you.
So correct me if I am wrong but this is what I think is going on. You have always admitted you were a pretty crappy h throughout your marriage. You have made the changes necessary the last 4 years happy, upbeat, validation, GAL etc. Now what does come out sometimes was that also your W was a pretty crappy W. EAs, nude pics, withheld sex, stay at home mom with one D and no cleaning etc. So for 4 years you are holding up the bargain of a good H but she doesn't change much. So every once in awhile as resentment is building you think about leaving and something ends up changing your mind. That something more then likely is your daughter. Now that she is out of the house that may change your feelings a little bit. I think you are feeling under appreciated and I think that is something that should be discussed.
You're not wrong. At least completely. Look, she is not a neat freak like me and never will be. Is she better now than 4 years ago? Absolutely.
I do need to correct something, it wasn't that she didn't seem happy to see me after the week away. Met me at the door. Hugged and kissed me. But then a couple of days later she made the comment about always being together. I get it, she really enjoyed her alone time. I do not resent that even a little bit. I think those breaks are important in most MR.
Maybe you are on to something what past resentments? IDK. Again I think part of my struggle is I cannot pinpoint how I am feeling nor why I am feeling it. Things I probably need to explore in IC.
Not 100% on the under appreciated part yet. Maybe there is some truth? I hadn't considered it before so I will have to mull that one over a bit.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
