Piecing.......

[SteveLW]

Meantime, I have kind of resorted back to DBing principles. I am present, upbeat, fulfilled, pleased, but not overly talkative. I listen. I continue to validate (validation has a huge impact on our MR since I learned to get proficient with it after discovering this site). I have a lot of GAL activities and haven't really slowed down on those even during the pandemic.

This is what I mean Steve this seems like a covert contract. You just said you didn't feel fulfilled and now you are going to put on this act to try to get her to appreciate and value you more.

Maybe my detachment isn't what it should be?

I disagree. This isn't about detachment it's about you wanting her to appreciate and value you as much as you do her.

I will have to work on that, get back to a good level of differentiation.

I think your GAL, self differentiation is better then most.

Steve I know how you feel. After my separation with my ex and we were trying again I went away for 5 days with my friends. When I came home I was hoping for her to be happy to see me and maybe some as WF says "play slap and tickle". Instead I got the old your home look which was deflating. Anyways you know how it played out and I ended up D. The truth was I stayed in the game because an intact family and seeing my kids everyday is what I VALUED the most.

Now that I am dating I have gotten those texts "I miss you and I can't wait to see you texts and %$#&$" and I am not going to lie they feel pretty fuching good. Having said that I would rather wake up with my kids every day.

So you have to ask yourself "what do I value most"?

I think all long-term marriages have to be renegotiated at some point due to different expectations.

As for your W. You know the pursuit and distance dynamic. Time to make yourself scarce.

Thanks. This is what I meant by detaching and differentiating a bit more. Making myself scarce. She has asked for space, I am going to give it to her. Not be omnipresent.

Thanks for sharing your perspective on the dating/freedom vs. intact family. Even though my D is out on her own now, I get it. She was just home for Thanksgiving, it would suck to not be with her 50% (or more) of the time.