Yes, you firmly believe and are strongly convinced. By the way, I didn’t doubt you for a second.D
LOL, I was in the believe you indeed knew me already that well by now. BTW, very nice to hear I'm your friend.
Originally Posted by DnJ
I’d start the conversation and suggest delaying the divorce for a bit.
One of the biggest reasons - No OW. This is a huge signal and sign of progress. It takes a lot for such a troubled person to let go of that affair and start facing their life and what they’ve done.
H’s steps so far are no small deal. Yes, he has much still left to walk, yet he has done well. Your conversation could be geared towards two prongs of thought and influence. First, you are seeing improvement and liking what you see. Second, he is demonstrating positive behaviours and changes. And is worth delaying things for.
I know you are strong enough and interested enough to explore this. Sure, there is risk. And there is reward. I’d love to be in such a position that this was even possible with XW.
If you have any ideas or such you want to test run or get feedback on. Or want to discuss other strategies before the conversation day. I am available.D
YESSSSSS! I can use some help here on how to start this conversation.
I'n the meanwhile I want to share some of our conversation and what I have seen...
Since yesterday he is back home. So Saturday decided to come back to home country "permanently" (of course we never know this with an MLC'er . Arrived already yesterday with all his belongings. It seems he couldn't wait to come home. You should have seen his suitcases...everything was literally thrown in. I've never seen such thing before...
In the car on the way back from the airport he was very quite. I initiated talking a bit and then he became more chatty.
He asked about the children and what they think about the fact he will be living in the house. I answered very honestly, 2 are OK with it, one is keeping his guard down, no faith at all in his F, he understood.
Then about his awareness that he slipped back the past weeks into "the other room in his head".
About the fact he needs to process the loss of the R with OW2, so finally he admitted this way he had an R with her.
That he has had very good times in that country but also really bad times. And, at one point, a very interesting question he asked himself out loud: If I look back at the past 3 years, I'm 42 years old, how did I end up in such situation, that is not appropriate for someone my age.
Didn't really know what to answer there...so kept quiet.
I kept my calm at all times. We had a pleasant evening. I'm fully detached. When I look at him, I feel love, but I'm not in love with him anymore. For me this is the place I wanted to be in. I'm OK with either direction. If it is meant to be perhaps I can fall in love again, if not, so be it.
I have lived a day at a time for the past 3 years, never tried to look upfront anymore, although it was difficult to accept this in the beginning, this seems to be the perfect way to live my life, and I have the advantages of this now.
