Thanks DNJ, I have forgiven him, no resentment or bitterness, and a lot of compassion. One day if not already, he will see all he lost because of his MLC decisions. My life is good once again, but his life is in shambles and his future doesn’t look too great either. Tough to start all over financially when you are close to retirement. So I feel for him. It’s hard to watch the shocking unravelling of his life. Have I accepted it’s over,,,, logically yes, heart wise maybe not quite. I find myself strangely drawn to the idea of reconnecting even though logically I see it as absolutely impossible to bridge the huge chasm from what is the reality now to what it would have to be if we were ever to restore our marriage. I can’t see it working and I don’t want it to work either to be honest. But still,,there is that ‘toying’ with the idea at times. And seeing once again the impossibility of it ever working. I wonder if hearing him say he regrets what he did would help me accept it fully,,that it’s over and I can let it go. Unless or until I hear that from him, I will forever wonder if he ever loved me. If he does have regrets it would suggest that he did love me and valued our marriage. It wouldn’t change the impossibility of ever being together again, but I would get some peace knowing our lives together meant something to him.
