LH, not sure if it is NGS. Maybe. But it isn't any need not being filled by her. It is more a feeling of malaise in general. Like I said, there are other factors going on outside of the MR that may be impacting my overall feeling.
WF, I relate so much to what you wrote. There are some habits she has that have been literally driving me mad. Things I would have reacted poorly to 4 years ago. I try to remember how much I love her during those moments and not let the old guy come back, but lately it has been heightened. It is kind of like someone running their fingernail across your skin. Mildly annoying most of the time, but almost intolerable when you have a sunburn. It is as if I currently have a sunburn, maybe because of the factors outside of the MR.
But to the question you doubled down on, I really do not know. The best I can describe it is like being someone with claustrophobia trapped in an elevator. All you can think about is how freeing getting out of the elevator would be. You cannot think past that, or that maybe if the elevator opens you will be in another confined space that will be no better. Your other questions are outstanding as well, and I also do not have answers. Except that I had stepped away from IC, and that is something I am going to restart post New Years.
Cadet, thanks. Great reminders here. I do choose to love her. Which is why I've pushed all this down as far as I can and do not let it affect my actions (per LH's point). I am doing nothing but posting my internal struggle here.
Thanks to all three of you for the support.
I read a good book about the fact that for a relationship to survive, each partner needs to be willing to push things to a crisis when they need to. Each person needs to be willing to say "the status quo doesn't work for me" with the implication being that if it doesn't change, they're done. The other person can either ignore them, in which case the relationship ends, they can agree to fix whatever the issue is, or they can offer a compromise. This process forces the relationship to evolve, and to stay alive it must evolve. The alternative is to slowly erode through building resentments. This sounds like where you are at Steve.
