My Story P3...Acceptance of the MLC Madness

[DnJ]

Hello Eagle

Damn, I have formulated it wrongly again. Not mother tongue…😊

Not at all my dear. You speak quite eloquently.

I was wondering how convinced you are. You and I are friends and I figured I could just ask and prod a bit to see how firmly you believe it.

I firmly believe this is what I have to do.
I told my mother a few days ago that I’m convinced I have to do this, as otherwise I would regret it.
So yes, I can definitely say this statement, without a doubt, I’m not a doubter at all. Never have been.

Lol. I wrote my couple of sentences up there ^^^ and then read the next quote. Ha.

Yes, you firmly believe and are strongly convinced. By the way, I didn’t doubt you for a second.

Normal H has always been a person who had difficulties formulating what he wants, definitely when it concerns emotions. He can show it but can’t express it.

Given that H has expressed his wishes previously. Do continue gently leading and guiding somewhat. These lost souls do need to learn how to express their emotions and they usually have not had very good role models during their informative years. It’s ok to shine and display how to do that.

I have difficulties answering this part. I simply don’t know yet if I want to delay the D, and I definitely don’t know what he wants and for this you need to be with 2.

It’s ok not to know.

Again, I asked, prodded, and was wondering how convinced and sure you are.

My general advice/suggestion is unless you are absolutely sure, don’t do things that are this difficult to undo. Unless you require financial protection or security; then for sure proceed.

Would you, in my case, start the conversation about delaying when there is progress noticeable, or would you let him lead (which I think he won’t)?
What if he says, “definitely not, why would you want to do that?”
I want to be prepared.

Given what I know about your situation and you:

I agree, H is unlikely to lead proposing a delay before mid-December.

He is showing positive signs and progress.

I’d start the conversation and suggest delaying the divorce for a bit.

One of the biggest reasons - No OW. This is a huge signal and sign of progress. It takes a lot for such a troubled person to let go of that affair and start facing their life and what they’ve done.

H’s steps so far are no small deal. Yes, he has much still left to walk, yet he has done well. Your conversation could be geared towards two prongs of thought and influence. First, you are seeing improvement and liking what you see. Second, he is demonstrating positive behaviours and changes. And is worth delaying things for.

Now, I realize this is a pretty big heap of pressure to H. However, people do aspire to meet goals. People will meet the goals that are set either by them or others. If those goals are not challenging then people just slide along. If the goals are way too high, they give up. Something I’ve always found when dealing with people - let them amaze you by just how much they can accomplish.

Placing the bar for H just high enough and reflecting his worthiness and growth will encourage more positive behaviours.

A MLCer cannot handle pressure. However, H is not in full blown MLC, he is displaying signs of awakening. Go slow and gently; he may just amazing you.

If H response negatively; “definitely not, why would you want to do that?”; don’t fret. You just stay the course. Shrug it off and keep moving. There really is nothing to lose.

I know you are strong enough and interested enough to explore this. Sure, there is risk. And there is reward. I’d love to be in such a position that this was even possible with XW.

If you have any ideas or such you want to test run or get feedback on. Or want to discuss other strategies before the conversation day. I am available.

One last thing. This is not manipulation. You are only influencing H. Gently steering the conversation and his thinking. H still has to walk his path. Still has to finish his crisis. And I believe he might be now ready for such influence.

Best wishes.

D