Thank you for all your responses. I feel like I have a gold star from CWarrior
I was very surprised to get a text from her when I got back from school today:
"Are you home? Can I stop by?" The first contact for many weeks. The first coming round to our home for many more weeks.
I said OK.
She came round to bring some boxes to the garage. Then came in. I offered her a cup of tea. I'm polite, you see.
She spoke about her new position (as a teacher). I told her how great for her, how pleased, etc. We chatted about school for a while. I miss chatting with her about daily school life so the conversation flowed easily. Remember, this is the first time we have spoken for quite a few weeks.
W: Are you here from Christmas? Me: No We: Oh, are you going home? (UK) Me: No. I'm going away.
I didn't need to tell her, but told her about my trip to Mexico anyway. Me: It is the year we usually go on some f***-off holiday, so I'm going to go anyway. W: (Visibly upset) I'm jealous. Me: Well.... you know....
W: How are you doing? she asks. Me: Fine - up and down, you know W: What did you tell the nephews & nieces? (I'd texted her before I went to the UK to ask her how to approach the fact we'd split up) Me: They didn't ask about you. (They hadn't) W: .... Oh....ouch.... I must take a note of their birthdays. They are my godchildren too. Me: Sure. It's xxx birthday today.
I saw her expression.
W: How's the not-drinking going? Me: Great. Not drinking during the week. A couple of glasses if I go out for dinner W: I'm so pleased. Except when we hugged the other day, you smelt of alcohol.
WHHHHHAAAAATTTTTT?????
I really don't drink anymore!! It was a deciding factor for her to leave me, and I've done SO well from not drinking. Not for her, but I don't want to be that person anymore. Yep, I was gutted that she thought I still am. I was really pissed off about that but told her although I'm not accountable to anyone any more, I've stopped. She started having tears in her eyes, but I remained calm. Just pissed off that she "smelt" it when that was so obviously wrong. I'm hurt that she can't even see truth.
I had a dinner with friends booked, so when I realised the time told her that I had to leave. She said she'd chuck the cats out so I could go if I needed and lock up.
So... off I went. Leaving her here. In our home. With the fire on. With me gone.
Just come back from dinner with friends. All lovely, and am now wondering how I managed.
In some ways, delighted that at least we've had some contact. AND I didn't bring up any relationship talk AT ALL.
Sad, because it's the first time in months that we've sat together on the sofa just chatting. It felt so good.
Had a great evening, but checked in the garage and seen all the boxes she'd brought to pack up the rest of her stuff.
I'm doing OK. Pleased we had positive interaction, but taking deep breaths not to fall apart.
