Start by doing some Google/YouTube searches on how to reconcile with your W.
You will see a pattern that very closely aligns with what everyone here is telling you.
I can only assume you are in a lot of pain and are desperate to save your marriage, I know I was. And the advice I was given to let her go, detach, "act as if", focus on myself rubbed me the wrong way at first too. Afterall, I wanted more closeness with my WAS, not distance.
However, once I grasped the concepts and applied them, they worked. My WAS came back, she was curious about me and our roles reversed. She begged me to take her back during a 2 hour convo in a Starbucks. I hadn't seen her or spoken to her for 2 months prior to that meeting.
She left once again about year later and moved to another state, and I applied the same concepts. Go figure, after a few months of zero contact, she started calling me and telling me how badly she messed up. She had been watching my Facebook which showcased all my new hobbies that I was enjoying. She told me she was projecting her unhappiness onto me etc, had started therapy and wanted to come home. She moved back to my state and we started over. We eventually split for good because there was simply too much damage to overcome. But the concepts taught here, to give your W lots of time and space (don't accept those dinner invites!) to wonder about, and miss me, absolutely worked.
And I have taught these same principles to several of my friends who are not a part of this forum, and they have also (not all) had success.
Keep an open mind and remember that all of this stuff is counter-intuitive. It defies logic and reasoning.
Lastly, you might not believe it, but everyone here is here to help you avoid the mistakes they have made (I've literally seen hundreds if not a thousand of these things play out over the years). We want to see a win on this forum. All of us provide this advice and offer our time for free, so when someone comes across as unagreeable/maybe a little pompous, it's easy to see why some of us would get defensive.
I would love nothing more than to see you and your W happily back together.
