Confused But Committed, Part 3

[BL42]

Hoch,

Welcome back. Sorry you're going through this...

Help me, wise DBers - how do I respond? My gut tells me I’m on the right track and starting to make her wonder, but if I push too hard down that road too fast, she is likely to make rash decisions. Do I say “nothings going on, I’m just overworked”? That one is the truth. Or maybe “you have nothing to worry about, I’m just tired”?

I joined around the same time as you so I'm no expert, but I'd suggest playing it coy. Sounds like you're eager to to deny because your head wants her to know you're not doing anything she doesn't want you to do...out of fear she'll react the wrong way. Wouldn't it be better to get a twinkle in your eye and say "I'm just enjoying my life..." or "I have a lot to think about..." or something to that effect, and then walk away? I wouldn't lie and say you're dating/sleeping with someone, but also wouldn't be quick to ease her fears either.

And as for the spending - if you’re the primary breadwinner, you may need to control the finances if she has a serious spending problem (sometimes also part of depression).

And about the finances, I have recently taken control. Shes had small relapses, and whether or not these continue will determine if I get more drastic (cancelling cards, switching accounts, allowing only cash for groceries, etc.)

What do you mean specifically by "recently taken control" of the finances? You can probably direct all your income into a separate account, but not sure there's much you can do about her spending...if you cancel the cards she can always apply for another one, no? And being married you might be liable for her cards. You may want to consult with a L on this one, not to file for D but just to know your rights and protect yourself financially.