I would add when the relationship is understress validation is more difficult.
I agree. That's why time and space is the only long term remedy. The problem is that the LBS is deathly afraid of it. Look at Mach40 he's been denying it for years.
We are creatures of survival, and we hold on to what we find dear because it makes us feel safe. However, to have the best quality of life possible, we sometimes need to sacrifice that thing to be happier, and if it returns, then great. If not, then it wasn't meant to be with us.
No, just someone interesting and pretty I met, who happened to be a psychologist.
Originally Posted by McRamone
I would add when the relationship is understress validation is more difficult.
Definitely. The crucible of BD provided the motivation to learn validation and active listening BUT also the challenge that when you're hurting it's harder to take a step back and empathize with others. As LH says, poorly done it can sound stiff and mechanical so it helped to practice on kids, clients, and colleagues. I'm proud that I was able to learn fast enough to reconcile.
While bad communication can sink relationships--again, try to eschew stonewalling and defensiveness--good communication isn't always enough. One of my books used the example of a two people both needing a full bottle of water in the desert to survive and there only being one. My ex and I were ultimately not compatible. I am content we gave it another year and a good try.
DB also focuses on action. Making consistent, positive changes to our lives.
