it was imported into most forms of marriage counseling but there are questions about its effectiveness.
It was a key factor in my reconciliation and has dramatically improved every relationship where I've deployed it (e.g., my daughter). Another member's success with it--a fellow called AnotherStander who is doing well but rarely comments anymore--nudged me to try it. At its core it's about listening, understanding where another is coming from, and showing it. If you're not up for that now, or don't feel that she deserves it, keep it in mind for when you want to build rapport. At least strive to avoid negative communication patterns like stonewalling and defensiveness.
Originally Posted by McRamone
It apparently started in the therapist-patient dynamic as a way to get the patient to open up about themselves
There's nothing wrong with her recognizing (as distinct from you pointing them out or trying to show off) that you're making 180s, validating, actively listening, etc. No Sneakyism here. Some people enjoy validation without knowing what it is. Others see if for what it is and say, "Wow, I've never been validated like that before, it's wonderful." That works, too!
