On top of this it brought back memories of seeing my father hanging from a rope in our backyard. He had no pulse and wasn't breathing for 15 minutes whilst I worked on him until I brought him back. He is still alive today.
Hi Galaga,
It sounds like an incredibly traumatic experience finding your dad hanging and trying to rescue him. I imagine not being believed about such a core memory felt quite invalidating. I believe the core of what you’re saying.
As a victim of childhood trauma myself, an insight I’ll share is I’ve learned to trust what I saw, heard, and felt—but to question the meanings i ascribed to the events or that were suggested to me as a child. As an example, an 8y/o me thought I was clever to frequently escape a 16y/o sister trying to kill me and my mom with a chef’s knife. Her slashes sometimes tore clothes but never made serious cuts. In retrospect, if a 16y/o frequently wanted to kill their 8y/o sibling especially when they were home alone he’d be in an ER or dead. That was me as a child imagining I had more understanding, influence, and control over events than I did. That required adult processing with a therapist’s help.
Again, alcoholism and suicidal thoughts are so important. I’m glad you’re getting some help. I hope you get as much support as you can. This could be a life-changing experience, the sort of 180 that hopefully saves your marriage and if not revamps your life.
