Why do you keep ignoring advice to get some professional help?

As LH19 said, some of the stuff going on here (such as you wanting to “confront the prick”) is way above our pay grade.

Are you getting professional help?

If not, what’s the worst thing that could happen? You go and see someone, decide you don’t like them, and find someone else.

It’s really important that while all of these things are surmountable, you can’t do it without help.