WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)

[BL42]

Ginger1,

Is your custody schedule one week on and one week off? Honestly, for young kids, it’s not a good schedule.

You might want to figure out somethings here there is a shorter period of not seeing the other parent. I truly believe it helps

Yes, our current schedule is one week on and one week off with a "dinner evening" on opposite weeks. We'll have to monitor and reconsider if it's not good for the kids.

I thought the "it's daddy's week" / "it's mommy's week" would be a more structured & easier to understand for the kids than going back and forth every 2-3 days and all the associated transitions. And with my flexible work schedule and volunteering for kids' activities, and all last year watching them before/after school even on ExW's weeks, I've seen the kids almost as much as her during her weeks. So it might be as you say more upset leaving ExW than me because of my additional involvement.

DnJ,

Uncouple these two items.

Always focus on what’s best for the kids. That is its own thing. Do not utilize it as a reason or defence for altering your feelings. That will just build resentment.

No, you should not swallow your feelings. At the time of interaction, yes do remain calm. However, you need to let go those feelings. Experience those feelings. Rationalize those feelings. And in that, gain influence and therefore “control” of them.

My views and belief - which is the real driver of an outcome, IMHO - you will achieve that which you strive for. Be that consciously/purposefully or not.

Even if the “studies” are true. Be the anomaly. Be an outlier on the graph. Be the Dad and kids that thrive and enjoy a wonderful life. Join me, let’s band together and make that the norm of future stories and studies.

I’m pretty big proponent for casting of self-imposed shackles. Be it fear, worry, doubt, or whatever. Rise up. You got this!

Always insightful posts.

You're right about decoupling the kids and my OM2 emotions. I do for the part most...always focusing on doing my best for the kids and not burdening them with my OM2 emotions, but then take some time afterwards to process. Sometimes, if I'm being honest, my frustration seeps through when I'm with them but mostly not.

Great attitude about adjusting the mindset, casting aside the self-imposed shackles, and striving to be the outliers. I do think I'm striving to thrive and have a wonderful but an area to work on for sure!

CWarrior,

While working through your feelings towards OM2 would be helpful, it should also be possible to restructure your handoffs such that you see a whole lot less of what's going on over there.

The good news is, based on feedback from the board, ExW & I did agree to switch weekly transitions from Sunday evenings to Mondays before/after the school day, so now drop offs are limited to off-week dinners. It's fewer transitions for the kids and further reduces the need for me to bring them to her house, with a potential OM2 sighting. Halloween was a one-off so we could each do some trick-or-treating with them. ExW does has a habit of stepping into the house with D3 or to drop off their bags, so I may email her about that.