WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)

[BL42]

kml/bttrfly/Dawn70/DnJ,

As for OM2 - your kids know YOU are dad.

echoing kml - you are their dad. that won't change.

You’re still their dad and your family is still just as important to them.

You are Dad! In son’s eyes, at his age, there is nothing you cannot do. You are all powerful and all knowing...Regardless of the pet name that was written upon son’s homework, Dad’s is written within his heart.

Thanks for the support and reassurances on the dad-front. I appreciate the kind words. There's no doubt in my mind I am crushing it as a dad. I like S6 and D3 to pieces, and am doing everything I can to be their rock in this difficult and confusing situation.

kml/bttrfly/Dawn70/DnJ,

And let’s hope OM2 turns out to be an okay guy - it will be better for your kids if that is so. Being across the street from his sister may even give a measure of safety for your kids, as there are extra eyes in the relationship between your ex and him.

suddenly there's this perfect stranger who helped implode your marriage having a relationship with your kids that you have no control over.

Like kml said, let’s all hope he turns out to be a decent guy, for the sake of your kids. You will always be a strong, positive, stable influence for them.

I get how that hurts. I get how I wanted my kids to resent their Mom and what she did. Acceptance and forgiveness are incredible gifts for one’s self. The path and effort to find them is very much worth it.

In terms of OM2, you're right it will be better for the kids if he's a good guy and good to them. I need to swallow the hurt I feel with him in the picture and focus on what's best for the kids. The good thing is I have no indication he's not being nice or good to them. The only thing was D3 told my mom she likes when it's just her and S6 instead of OM2 too (but that could just be she wants more attention/focus from ExW and doesn't get as much when OM2 is around).

DnJ/DonH/CWarrior/Ginger1,

Kids are far more aware and accepting than we give them credit for.

How can you know this? Or how can you be so sure?...The fact and truth of the matter is the majority of kids want mom and dad to stay together. They often pray for them to get back together even years after a D. This is more the truth.

I think this speaks more to what DnJ said--LBS (adults) having trouble adapting. I doubt most kids have dreams or wishes one way or another about stepparents, beyond what they get from Disney films or fairy tales.

Do the kids prefer this situation? Of course they would prefer one home with two stable healthy parents. But absolutely they adapt and they can be happy. We have a harder time adapting than they do.

Good discussion on the impact to kids.

Long-term, I honestly don't know what to think about the impacts to my kids. I've read studies and heard stories on both sides, some saying there are negatives on personalities/education/future relationships and others talking about the ability of kids to adjust and be resilient. The friends and family I know from divorced families seemed to have at least periods of significant impact whereas those I know from non-divorced families seem to be better adjusted career/relationship-wise, but it's anecdotal.

Short-term I do know for sure my kids have had significant struggles. A year of now S6 crying and meltdowns and asking why didn't they try harder; D3 crying for mommy and confusion on schedule and asking why things are always changing. That's been heartbreaking to see as a father. But, all I can do is my best to be their rock and help them through it.