It looks to me like you are doing a lot of heavy lifting for you H. Trying to fix his relationship with your kids or explain his behavior. Thinking about pointing out truths to him to shift his course. I know you don't see it that way but for someone like me who went completely dark, it really looks like you are still tied to that in many ways.
The D has nothing to do with his choice to stay or leave. You can D and restore or you can not D and restore.
My advice would be to be there for your kids but don't get involved in trying to influence anything. Just let your S talk about his feelings and ask him questions to help him decide what to do. Don't tell your H anything about your kids unless he initiates the questions. Write long letters to him about not getting a D or ask God or the universe or the forest trees to convince him to stop, but then burn or bury the letters. Don't tell your H any of that stuff. Lighthouses don't talk or ask ships to come see their light. They just beam light in the darkness. It's great that you said very little about your S but I would say even less. You can say things like, "I am not sure about that. When you next see him, sounds like a conversation to have." Or "S is very private but perhaps he will talk to you about it some time."
I personally wouldn't talk to him about this stuff at all! He destroyed the family and now he wants to chat about it? No! That's what therapists and pastors are for. He needs to do that work himself!
Think of the stereotype of the psychiatrist saying, "Hmm." You can be that if you must allow these conversations to occur.
Remember, the D is a business arrangement. It's about property, not love or care or faithfulness. At least in most states. Don't try to stop it for the sake of saving your M. Your actual M is a separate matter. Your H knows you are open to his return. You don't have to keep trying to remind him, and he has to work for it when he's ready, if that day ever comes.
Last edited by Gerda; 11/19/2102:24 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
