Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

Hi Steve!

Thanks for the reply.

I am not having a good day. My dear W sued me for dividing the winnings from the house selling in my account. I went to see my L, he says this was unnecessary, says a lot about W and her L and has reassured me since we are not D yet, there is no crime and we will prepare an adequate response in time.

I asked L to check if W will allow me to register the kids in the bilingual school starting next course and the answer from W´s L was that she has already replied to me (referring to that email where she said I had not involved her and she was not sure about the change). My blood is boiling today, I cannot improve my children´s school and I am not sure if I can refuse to register them again in the same school. I need her approval to change them, even if I will cover all expenses, but my denial in the current school is worth nothing. I am paying the consequences now of my past mistakes...

I dont think I am entirely in the other side, but here is my best shot Steve.

This forum is full of truth, truth you wont like and/or will not want to hear. I made decisions that have affected my life and those of my children when W was emotionally abusing me and threatening me. I was not a man and I let her do and say things I would not tolerate now. Sandi´s advice is gold, she was always talking about COMMANDING respect via actions. That is what you need to do, the beginning is a fight against your instincts, but you need you win this war, a long war. So let the lion/lioness in you come out, be selfish, take care of your needs, get to know yourself, make yourself happy (no interaction with S, it is not the time) and in the solitude of your bed take a deep look into yourself, where can this lion/lioness improve? Cover all PIES, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. Accept your life will be under construction for a long time, you will be easily distracted by your emotions, you will be less productive, you will be vulnerable (if you were like me a big pillar of your life just collapsed, be kind to yourself).

ONLY trust the advice from those who really love you (siblings, best friends, and your IC, because if you can you should go to IC) and before making any decisions do not be afraid to come here, share it and be vulnerable. People here have lived the same and will guide you in an attempt to avoid those mistakes. But you will make those mistakes, sadly, it is the best way to learn.

If you have kids, make them number 1 in your life, pour love into them. Make new memories, take them to new places, hug and kiss them 20 times a day if you can, fill your love tank via your children, it is the most fulfilling thing you will ever do.

You think D bomb was the worst ever? Lean back, you are about to experience pain, doubt, fear and loneliness to levels you could never imagine. But this trial will make you better, it will teach you in months things most people never learn or take years to learn. Use all this hurt as fuel to bring out the best version of you that you can be and make that your one and only goal. It is time to change, if you are here, there are things to change.

how has my life changed?
- I have learned massively about R dynamics, my friends admire me in that sense and love my advice when dealing with W.
- My children love and respect me, they seek to share with me all they do, hug and kiss me regularly and admire how dad has a great job, exercises a lot and is a massive car freak.
- I have met women since I filed for D. When you learn to identify love languages, listen actively, show principles and affection, the right women come to you. Those who show red flags lost any chances with a wonderful man. Sorry, maybe I am too harsh here, but nobody will ever hurt me how W did. Now I can identify who truly respects, admires and loves me.
- I run, I run a lot and buy great shoes to compete, I just bought my first motorbike and I am about to buy the car I always wanted when living in Munich (for you it could be traveling, brewing beer, collecting watches...). I took up crossfit and changed my diet and clothes, I have never looked this good and manly.
- I have a clear picture of the man I want to be and use it and my principles as the compass to guide my life decisions.
- I have accepted I made many mistakes, but it was not my fault that W left me in a different country, went partying and there were multiple OMs. I cannot be ashamed as a man for that. I wanted to have a perfect family with the wrong woman, someday I will find the right one, but there is no rush, because my life right now is simply amazing.

Keep working on yourself, come and post here, dont let your S get the worst of you and commit to GAL, commit to changes, commit to saving yourself as an individual and the happiness of your children if there are.

((hugs)) Pack