Galaga, one thing that pulled me through an abusive childhood that was sometimes a living hell was knowing that, if it got beyond my ability to manage, I could leave (live on the street), and as a teen I counted the days until freedom. This pain and difficulty coping is temporary.
I agree with LH that your last message indicates an urgent situation and you should seek treatment in addition to this forum. A couple good numbers to call: 1) In the USA, 1-800-273-TALK. 2) In the UK, 111. The forum’s prohibition against outside links hopefully does not include government-endorsed crisis hotlines for when people want to give up on life. These lines aren’t just for imminent emergencies. They help people in dark moments find resources to work towards enjoying life again.
