SSRI's and divorce - WAS (2)

[costanza]

I asked my WAS to move out of the house last Tuesday, the lack of respect, her alcoholism and her "moving on" while under the same roof, just threw me over the edge.

Ok Costanza this sounds like a control issue. She has to move out because she is moving on from you? Remember you have try to keep your emotions in check. Please explain in more detail what happened?

I dunno, it just seems like common sense and decency to me. Obviously moving on in front of the others face 2 months after the separation announcement is just childish and mean. Under normal circumstances where x-spouses don't hate each other and there was no abuse, etc... i don't see how one can just expect it to be normal to start flirting in front of the recently ended 12 year relationship. Once again, the person I knew would not have done this.

She moved to her parents home 10 minutes away. We've been swapping the kids every two days.

The kids are staying at your grandparents?

No, the kids stay 2 days with me, then 2 days with their mom at the g-parents, and back with me for two days, and so on....

Not having them fulltime is killing me, I miss my family soo much it hurts.

It $ucks. I can tell you the feeling will lessen in time. You will even start to feel guilty because you will look forward to alone time.

Yes, The time alone does help, it gives me time for this board and GAL.

I've been seeing a lot of friends and family, but it's just not the same.

It's good you are getting out.

I never envisioned this lifestyle for myself. I loved having a family and full house.

This is why so many people here struggle. It's not about the spouse its about the loss of the future of the family. There is a poster on here Scotty B who really struggles with this part. You should read his thread.

You nailed it, its all the future plans that went down the drain that hurt so much. We had a sabbatical planned in 2 years. 8 months in Costa Rica and 4 months in Europe. Our house would've been paid off, things were looking great.

I still find it shocking that my WAS wouldn't consider therapy and is ready and more than willing to walk away from everything we built.

Right now she can not see a happy future with you. They may change down the road.

I keep expecting to wake up from this horrible dream. I really need to come to terms with this fast.

This is going to take a really long time so you need to be patient with yourself.

I struggle with "the new her" she's become the past year, she's a completely different person.

How has she changed?

I believe I touched on this in the earlier posts. She became almost unrecognizable 1 month after the SSRI's. 2 months into SSRI's she became an alcoholic, when the medication says to not even consume alcohol. Went from someone that wouldn't even get in a car with someone that drank, to drinking and driving herself. She totaled our car a few hours after drinking with coworkers at lunch.
Denied a drinking problem, yet every measure clearly shows it. Always taking on new projects at work, and doing less with/for the kids and home. Became an extreme extrovert, loads of energy. Very functional at work and university even considering the drinking. I can go on if you'd like a better picture.

She said she's trying to get the drinking under control, she's also booked an appointment with her doctor to discuss her situation. Seems her parents, the car accident (and I) finally broke through her alcoholism denials.

It's good that she is acknowledging it.

I'm not convinced she'll be 100% open and honest with her doctor, but after reading you all I understand that its not my problem anymore. My concern in all this is obviously the kids.

Well when it comes to the safety of the kids it is your problem.

That's been my point from the start. It's terrifying.

[quote=costanza] She agreed to move out for 2 weeks, however she expects to come back and we start swapping the family home until official separation.

Actually I don't think this is a bad idea as long as its temporary. Meaning she is looking for a house come the new year.

A few of you suggested I grab my balls back and refuse, but like May22 says, it's not really in my control.

I think May meant you can't force her to move out. You certainly don't need to nest if you don't want to.

I can't legally kick her out of the house, I also can't expect her to respect "house rules", so I don't see how I can avoid nesting for the remaining month or two. I'm open to suggestions.

What are these house rules? When I was in house separated there was one rule, you watch the kids when it was your night to watch them.

I was aiming for decency, no overt flirting and not crawling in drunk at 2am.

I haven't resumed contact with the friend/x-GF or any others based on everyone's suggestion.

Uuum congratulations on staying celibate for two weeks while being married.

I understand your shot. The way I see it is, I lost my wife last year 3-4 weeks after she started the SSRI's. It's been incredibly lonely even though we lived together. It wasn't the same person, we didn't talk, joke or spend time together in the same way. The memories were swept under the rug. She wasted no time to start flirting with coworkers and anyone else that will give some attention.

I'm still a little perplexed by this one though.

Seriously?

Is it in the goal of focusing on just me and not confusing my thoughts?

You can't do that without sticking your penis in another women's vagina?

Is it to focus on reconciling if that is in fact what the LBS wants?

It's to focus on yourself and your kids.

Is it to avoid hurting someone else?

Seriously? You better hope Ginger does come to your thread.

I mean my WAS is clear she's moving on, are we LBS' expected to remain celibate?

LOL. Yeah I think you can keep your dick in your pants until after Christmas.

Any info on this one is also appreciated.

See above.