New here.

[BL42]

McRamone,

All of the posters who responded to you are genuinely here to give advice and help others through one of the hardest times in their lives. And you have A LOT of really experienced people posting in your thread, folks with many years of experience who have read hundreds of sitches. Some of them use finesse and others are more blunt, but everyone's goal is to A) get you in a better place in life and B) save your marriage, if possible.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of things right in terms of not begging/giving space, GAL, IC.

You've identified areas you want to work on, which is great:

I want to work on empathy.
I want to work on giving people the benefit the doubt.
I also want to work on any anger issues I have. I could be quick to anger on perceived slights.

To LH's point, your last post comes across as pretty salty. Maybe this is an example of the "quick to anger" you want to work on?

I know everyone things their situation is different, but I have to reiterate. 1) I don't believe there is an ongoing affair (obviously you guys do...and have made that very clear)
...
so I'll make a deal with you guys. I'm a big boy, I know what it means if I'm wrong. If I am I will be first to eat crow, but I'd rather just deal with what I'm going through in front of me. Thanks.

No one here wants you to have to eat crow. We all hope with you there is not an affair. It's just in most of our own sitches and and the majority of cases on this board there has been one that comes to light...even when the poster swears up and down there is not one. We just want to prepare you for the possibility, as much as it might sting.

Then she said they hooked her internet up. At first I was upset because in my mind you don't get a internet contract if you are going to be away for only 3 months, but then I realized in this day and age it's almost impossible to operate without internet at your home.

It's likely not "3 months" in her head. At first you got upset/panicked/amped up because the internet challenged the comfort of you thinking "it's only 3 months". Then, you got relief when you rationalized in your mind a way that internet doesn't mean she'll be gone more than 3 months. It's hard, but you have to get in the mindset you'll be totally fine if it ends up being more time than initially communicated...whether it's 6 months, a year, or never.


How are your boys? I've asked a few times, but you haven't really engaged. How are they doing with all this? They're teenagers and their mom has moved out. I understand it's a burden on you, but it's also incredibly impactful on them...are you able to help them through it on top of dealing with it yourself?