You need to make it clear that she doesn't get to play happy family when she is the one who left. You need to be clear and hardcore that there are consequences to her breaking up the family unit.
Most new posters can't/don't do this. So we then offer "softer" options, which in my opinion are less effective.
You have a huge array of ways to interact and behave. Behavior A may have worked well for one poster, but completely bombed for another. Sifting through all the choices and making decisions is part of your learning process.
You have lots of options as far women, but right now you want this one, and for good reasons. We want you to succeed in keeping the family together. All you can do is your best. Ultimately it is her decision. Part of her decision is based on how she perceives you. There are so many layers. Projecting that you want her but not need her is part of it. Behaving as a high value male.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
