New here.

[Ready2Change]

Your goal should be to make her feel like you are the one dumping her. You want to appear like you have had some big epiphany, and that you realize it was her all along that was keeping you from finding YOUR happiness. Now... you don't want to act like some cocky a-hole, but more like someone who is relishing being single and growing into a better version of themselves.

She has to FEEL like she has made a mistake. She has to FEEL like she has lost you. Until this happens, you will be confused. When it happens, you will know. She will beg you for a second chance. When she does, your best response it make her "Qualify" herself. Lots of time before this happens to get prepared.

So there is where I don't get it. I can't make her FEEL anything. I can only control what I can do. correct? I'm certainly not going to date or meet women in bars. This feels manipulative. Maybe someone can correct me.

I can understand why you don't get it. Some of this stuff is hard to wrap our brains around.

When do you miss someone? When they are around or when they are gone?

This is an emotional issue that needs logic to address. There are no rules to this, but really good guidelines like "sandys rules". Logic tells me to examine what has worked for others.

There are behaviors that others men do that are attractive to women. Some of these men are extremely manipulative. The PUA community is a perfect example. But if you study them, there are attractive traits that you can add to the new you. If you are like most of us, you have a lot of potential to improve. I have been actively working on it for 10 years, and will most likely be working on myself the day I die.


I have done some things and been completely shocked at how a woman responds. The new behavior had positive results, So It is now part of me. Manipulation? Maybe? Maybe not?


If you do not want to manipulate her, set her free. Forgive her. Don't take anything personal that she does. Do your thing and she might want to come along for the ride. Most guys do not know how to do this. They supplicate. Very unattractive.

One of the best quotes from PuppyDogTails "The last thing I need in my life right now is ANOTHER WOMAN." That can be your mantra, but you do not need to proclaim that her.


I believe this is a perfect way to interact AT A DIFFERENT STAGE of the relationship.

W - "I didn't sleep well last night"
M- "Oh was it because of the new mattress you are on?"
W- "No" Then she launched into how it affected her. She missed me, missed the kids. etc. I just acknowledge that is was rough. Then made a joke about how I can sleep in a warm room now (she like to keep the windows open...even in winter and it was freezing)

At this stage this would be better:

W "I didn't sleep well last night"
M- "Really?"
W- "Yes" Then she launched into how it affected her. She missed me, missed the kids. etc. I just acknowledge that must be rough FOR HER. I then stated how I had a great night sleep.

This is your poker face time. Smile with your eyes and walk out.

I find myself getting hung up on the small things too. Like she said at one point that "we were taking a big risk doing this." I really wanted to follow up an ask her what she meant. 'I just said agreed with her.

So how much of a MR Nice Guy do you want to be? I think agreeing with her is OK. You are still in her frame. Attractive men bring a woman into HIS frame.

I need advice on 2 things.

1- So later on, she talks about how she's coming over to cook dinner on Wednesday. Then she talked about coming over on Saturday. I want to say this to her but wanted to run it by the people here.

1-"if you want to take the kids and have dinner at your place let me know" However, given that you wanted some space, I don't think it's a good idea to keep coming over here." Thoughts?

Admittedly, I'm torn. I would like see her and want her to show I'm changing. But really defeats the point of her moving and I think it could cause me problems.

This is where that counter-intuitive thing come to play.

Do your kids have cars? If not, "I have something going on Wednesday, I can drop the kids off at your place around 6 and pick them up at 10 if that works for you"..

She was also way more touchy than normal. She grabbed my hand at the table when she was talking to me. When she left, she gave me a hug, a kiss and said ILY.

2- I don't know how to respond. Do I say ILY back when she says it? Do I say nothing? I don't go seeking out hugs/kisses, but I don't want to give her the Heisman- arm straight out BOOM.

I would respond different every time. I believe you should be building sexual tension if you are trying to attract her. If she is sleeping with other guys, move on. Be high value. Again, you need to reframe this. You want her pursuing you.