Your goal should be to make her feel like you are the one dumping her. You want to appear like you have had some big epiphany, and that you realize it was her all along that was keeping you from finding YOUR happiness. Now... you don't want to act like some cocky a-hole, but more like someone who is relishing being single and growing into a better version of themselves.
These are very wise words.
She has to FEEL like she has made a mistake. She has to FEEL like she has lost you. Until this happens, you will be confused. When it happens, you will know. She will beg you for a second chance. When she does, your best response it make her "Qualify" herself. Lots of time before this happens to get prepared.
So there is where I don't get it. I can't make her FEEL anything. I can only control what I can do. correct? I'm certainly not going to date or meet women in bars. This feels manipulative. Maybe someone can correct me.
============ Journaling.
So she came over last night to have dinner. I realize it's only been one night. I was friendly and upbeat and didn't initiate any substantive conversation. She was in the bedroom collecting things and said,
W - "I didn't sleep well last night" M- "Oh was it because of the new mattress you are on?" W- "No" Then she launched into how it affected her. She missed me, missed the kids. etc. I just acknowledge that is was rough. Then made a joke about how I can sleep in a warm room now (she like to keep the windows open...even in winter and it was freezing)
So I think this proves what happened to Thornton. We think they are all happy and excited to start a new chapter without us, but in reality it's hard for them. I'm trying to work on my empathy with how she's feeling.
I find myself getting hung up on the small things too. Like she said at one point that "we were taking a big risk doing this." I really wanted to follow up an ask her what she meant. 'I just said agreed with her.
She also wants to take a tv and a gaming system to her place on Saturday. Then she said they hooked her internet up. At first I was upset because in my mind you don't get a internet contract if you are going to be away for only 3 months, but then I realized in this day and age it's almost impossible to operate without internet at your home. Mind you she saw NONE of this.
I need advice on 2 things.
1- So later on, she talks about how she's coming over to cook dinner on Wednesday. Then she talked about coming over on Saturday. I want to say this to her but wanted to run it by the people here.
1-"if you want to take the kids and have dinner at your place let me know" However, given that you wanted some space, I don't think it's a good idea to keep coming over here." Thoughts?
Admittedly, I'm torn. I would like see her and want her to show I'm changing. But really defeats the point of her moving and I think it could cause me problems.
She was also way more touchy than normal. She grabbed my hand at the table when she was talking to me. When she left, she gave me a hug, a kiss and said ILY.
2- I don't know how to respond. Do I say ILY back when she says it? Do I say nothing? I don't go seeking out hugs/kisses, but I don't want to give her the Heisman- arm straight out BOOM.
Thoughts?
PS. My new treadmill is arriving today or tomorrow. I'm stoked. I haven't had one for a couple of years. And mine was used for more than hanging clothes.
