SSRI's and divorce - WAS (2)

[BL42]

costanza,

Sorry you're struggling going through this. I know exactly how you feel. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to deal with, but you can and will get through it.

I asked my WAS to move out of the house last Tuesday, the lack of respect, her alcoholism and her "moving on" while under the same roof, just threw me over the edge. She moved to her parents home 10 minutes away.

IHS was very difficult for me and most others here. Hopefully separation will give you some relief over time. Notice you can't "force" her to move out, but she complied with your request. It's likely a combination of her wanting to leave and you having more power than you currently realize.

We've been swapping the kids every two days.

How are your kids handling all this? It's certainly tough on you, but make sure you're stepping up for them. Every two days is a lot of transitions. Your girls are young (2&4?), but you may want to adjust to less frequent exchanges over time? Read up on that - there are a lot of options.

Not having them fulltime is killing me, I miss my family soo much it hurts. I've been seeing a lot of friends and family, but it's just not the same. I never envisioned this lifestyle for myself. I loved having a family and full house.

I know exactly how you feel. Sorry man. It's tough. Unfortunately you can't make her stay married and committed if she doesn't want to. All you can do is do is play the hand you're being dealt to the best of your ability. Make your life and your children's lives the best they can be given the situation.

I still find it shocking that my WAS wouldn't consider therapy and is ready and more than willing to walk away from everything we built. I keep expecting to wake up from this horrible dream. I really need to come to terms with this fast. I struggle with "the new her" she's become the past year, she's a completely different person.

That's natural. A lot of us here wondered the same thing.

She said she's trying to get the drinking under control, she's also booked an appointment with her doctor to discuss her situation. Seems her parents, the car accident (and I) finally broke through her alcoholism denials. I'm not convinced she'll be 100% open and honest with her doctor, but after reading you all I understand that its not my problem anymore. My concern in all this is obviously the kids.

I don't recall you bringing up alcoholism or a car crash before? The focus seemed to be SSRIs, though you mentioned drinking with them. Is there a long history of alcoholism with her? Was the crash related to drinking?

She agreed to move out for 2 weeks, however she expects to come back and we start swapping the family home until official separation. A few of you suggested I grab my balls back and refuse, but like May22 says, it's not really in my control. I can't legally kick her out of the house, I also can't expect her to respect "house rules", so I don't see how I can avoid nesting for the remaining month or two. I'm open to suggestions.

My suggestion, as everyone else has said, is...do. not. nest. Simply tell her you've decided not to move out. You're acting out of fear right now, but it's unlikely she'll move back into the house because of your decision...it's more likely she'll continue to stay at her parents or find some other arrangement. Stand up and be strong for yourself.

I haven't resumed contact with the friend/x-GF or any others based on everyone's suggestion. I'm still a little perplexed by this one though. Is it in the goal of focusing on just me and not confusing my thoughts? Is it to focus on reconciling if that is in fact what the LBS wants? Is it to avoid hurting someone else? I mean my WAS is clear she's moving on, are we LBS' expected to remain celibate? Any info on this one is also appreciated.

You're married. Emotionally you want to connect because your W is leaving and you're scared you won't meet someone else, or want revenge on your W, or have a need to feel validated by another woman, but...if you want to have any chance of staying married, don't have an emotional and/or physical affair with your x-GF.