My Story P3...Acceptance of the MLC Madness

[DnJ]

Good Morning Eagle

You are correct, “dropping the rope” refers to emotional detachment. We either let go or get dragged around.

On most of his actions I have found a certain balance, I can control my feelings and most moments I can look or think about him and say, OMG, how far gone are you, and don't feel pain or anything.

Excellent! That is a most wonderful result.

To help you solidly and promote this to other aspects: It is not our feelings we directly control, we only influence them. One can control their thoughts and actions/reactions.

If you or anybody else can give me some advice on how to reach this stage, please do so.

Realizing the extent of one’s direct control and one’s much further reach of influence allows one to achieve their desired results with far less fruitless endeavours of trying to control that which we cannot. This rationalizes the process of detachment and indifferent. And internal things that are rational are controllable.

Indifference happens in time. And like you said, sometimes we require a little push to get us going along. An external influence to resolve and accept some internal item we don’t yet understand.

I know, it is out of my control, it is a sympton of MLC etc. but that doesn't seem to help. Must be my difficult point to overcome.

Precisely.

(((Hug))) It’s ok. Perfectly normal and healthy. The answers most present themselves when one is calm and not actively searching. As counterintuitive as that sounds.

There is only one thing though whereby I loose it and that is when I start focusing on OW2. Why, because I absolutely don't have a clue what kind of R they are having and this is making me nervous/anxious at times.

A few strategies and ideas to promote and influence furthering indifference. I’ll be specific regarding indifference towards OW2 as well.

Rationalize the process. See your control. See what you do influence. And see what is triggering you.

When you “loose it” and start focusing on OW2. Stop! Imagine a big bright red STOP sign. And do what it says. Stop!

This is actually a strategy of detachment. And we know how entangled indifference and detachment are. However, one needs detachment before indifference.

Let go or be dragged. You can see it happening when thoughts of OW2 come up. You are unwillingly being dragged about.

Another tip. Schedule a time to be attached. A time to think about and ponder your feelings about H and OW2. A time to actually feel about this situation.

This scheduling has certain tangible benefits (in no particular order ): Schedule a time, like 10 minutes, from 7:00 to 7:10 to allow yourself to be attached. Set an alarm. And do to. Force it. Like cessation of smoking, it weans one off their spouse. It makes it less desirable. A forced time of feeling this stuff also makes it less triggering from some random external event. You are triggering it, everyday at 07:00. Not some outside influence. And that which you can trigger, you can control!

These ten minutes once a day will quickly become all the time time you spend / waste on OW2. Seriously, the remainder of your day will become all your’s. Then, let go those ten minutes. And by the way, by then you will most likely have already stopped. However, if not, set the alarm for 5 minutes, then 3, then zero.

Scheduling also makes it real. The situation of OW2 happened, or is happening. It is real. Treat it as such. A lot of time the default is to first ignore this ugly and horrible thing. That a pretty normal response. And that ignoring becomes the norm. We need to face it. Indifference isn’t ignoring, it is facing a situation and becoming so healed and confident that it no longer hurts.

Yes, you absolutely don't have a clue what kind of R they are having and this is making you nervous/anxious at times. Ah, our imagination. Now where’d I put that big red stop sign?

I’m going to submit that the male ego is just as fragile as the female ego. I get it. I’ve been replaced too. It’s horrible! Letting go one’s ego is a difficult thing. Our need and desire to be right, to be vindicated, and such, is very powerful and strong. Be stronger! Trust me on this. Letting go your ego and needs to prove brings far more power and strength than you can realize right now. And letting go one’s ego tempers that strength with understanding, compassion, and forgiveness.

One of the biggest strategies, not just for indifferent, for life, is having and seeing your destination. I suspect you see how most of my posts deal with the vision of our lives. To live a great life, one needs to see it first.

The destination is acceptance, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, empathy, etc. Living in the light. A clear destination allows a better path. And all journeys are made of small steps. We at times many not realize the small steps we take, yet after a while we are amazed at how far we’ve come. Keep your headings noble and good. For everyday you walk your path, even if you don’t see it.

We all require a certain level of understanding before we can will let go. Rationalize the irrational. Understand yourself. And in doing so the world turns a sharper focus.

OW2 is a symptom of H’s MLC. She is also a person. Remember, indifference is facing a situation and becoming so healed and confident it no longer hurts.

Your anxiety, nervousness, and fear regarding OW2. Currently, your triggers exists outside of your rational thought and control. Therefore, thoughts regarding OW2 influence unwanted feelings and anxiety.

Some truths: You are imagining a far better picture than H and OW2 are living, or lived. You are comparing yourself to OW2.

So, let’s rationalize this. See it clearly. Feel it clearly. Become indifferent in the very best meaning of the word.

You know H’s life. He shows regret. He’s told you some of his demons. He is a troubled man. Any relationship he would attempt is a shadow at best. One cannot have a meaningful wholesome relationship if they do not love and have a relationship with themselves first. H does not love himself. The rest fall apart after that.

The truth of a relationship with such a broken troubled soul - it is built upon a foundation of sand. Sand is a terrible weak foundation to build upon.

OW2 is drawn to H. She is equally or more so broken and troubled.

Turn your comparing around 180 degrees. You have been comparing you to OW2. Compare OW2 to you. She falls short on so many desired traits and convictions.

You are far more loyal, loving, faithful, honourable, compassionate, whole and healed, than she. You display it. You live it. You have the very life and family OW2 is desperately after. Your boys love you! Because you are you! (Strength and confidence.)

The truth, there is no need to demonize OW2. She is not worthy of such. She is, in fact, worthy of your forgiveness. Oh my, that is such a big leap. Yes?

Trust me. Forgive OW2. It is for you. Realize you forgive the sin, not the person. So, in fact, it’s love OW2 and forgive her sins. Believe me, it’s not as far away as it sounds. When one understands something or someone, empathy flourishes. How can one hate someone who is so understood? When you cross that threshold and discover and understand, it all becomes so clear. In the act of understanding you find love / truth and all their once held power disappears. That is a different kind of indifference. One that becomes you. One that is whole and healthy.

Forgiveness of OW2 is just another waypoint / destination along your journey. Another noble goal of which you can base why and which small steps to take. Those noble steps influence indifference and more importantly will allow healthy unwinding and emotional understanding.

And that is all acceptance really is - emotional understanding. It is quite a journey.

D