But wouldn't the same also apply to parameters on living apart? I was not the one saying 3 months - she was. I didn't say agree or disagree with that. But if I say no to that, isn't that me trying to control.
Passive - Letting others control you Aggressive - Controlling others Assertive - Controlling yourself
Your goal is to be assertive without being aggressive.
I'm confused multiple people said I should tell her NO to any parameters on the separation. Isn't that being 'aggressive'. Telling her she can't move back after 3 months seems controlling.
Now you are saying I shouldn't say anything (which I did all along) or say something like "I can't control when you decide to move back."
So if she wants to have a "date" night once a week, I should say "no." Or should I say something like, "W, I will be at the restaurant at 7 p.m, you are free to join me."
Originally Posted by CWarrior
See above. She controls if she sees the therapist, you control if you see the therapist. It would be controlling if you were to tell her "No, she can't go." It's not controlling for you to say "No, I won't go." Before DB, I didn't recognize how often "Should WE go" was used by me and others as an attempt to exert control. She's separating. Find and show yourself as an individual.
She's separating NOT Divorcing. I know everyone here sees a nail, but this situation is entirely different. She says "H, I think it is important that we continue to see the MC while we are living apart." (This is by the way how many people approach separations like these - I know I can't name other marriage counseling types- but one is pretty famous and his work is based on research) MC isn't like going for a run, it's like clapping. Try to clap with one hand. It's pointless. I'm fairly certain my W knows that I make a choice to show up at the appointment and don't force her to go the appointment.
It sounds like you are telling me not to go. I've read a lot of threads and it seems some advice people give is to insist on going to MC as a part of recon. Is that controlling?
