Legally separated, in our homes...Part 2

[Traveler]

I imagine it gets easier to let the feelings go once I am dating and focusing on other people, vice sitting at home and doing nothing..

Hi Mach, you can not date, and not sit at home doing nothing. That's GAL. You know this. Sometimes I need reminders, too. You could be spending an evening with friends old or new, working on a fitness journey e.g. hiking or running or cross-fit, or learning a new skill e.g. painting or music or cooking with or without other people.

A couple nights with this lady has definitely inspired my mind to go forward..

There are studies showing rebounds can help you move on faster. For Fireman, the rebound angered his wife and she told the kids and said it nixed any R chances. For me, it complicated the R when it came a month after the rebound. That's where I'm coming from when I say to be certain you're truly done with your old relationship before you dabble in dating.

Rebounds can be damaging when you don't realize it is one. Without taking time to heal, you're flinging baggage at the other person. I think this is ethically sound for a brief hookup or vacation fling, but unethical if they seek deeper (feeling involved) unless you're transparent about how long you've been "over" your ex (which is NOT your separation date, ::cough:: Steve_).

Finally, when the rebound runs its course, feelings about your ex typically return. KitKat (wonderful soul I miss) was devastated when a brief rebound (pilot) ended. I suspect much of the pain was unprocessed feelings about the old breakup returning now that the distraction had ended. Those painful feelings grow weaker by processing them, not by running from them.

You do you! After I left my XW (LBS), I quickly had a one-night stand with another woman (honestly, mediocre sex). It usefully drove a wedge between us that helped me not to look back.