Whats amazing is being back in the mix of life and talking to people other than co workers, family etc. Not thinking about wife, etc etc and was just a good experience talking to a woman.. Just talking life, travel, laughing it up.. Its baby steps.. Was with the one of the ladies last night for a few hours. We drank some beers, and thoroughly enjoyed each others company.
I don’t have any hang ups about married and dating—but I would at least settle your feelings about your XW first. I waited 4-6mo after being “100% done” with my last relationship before dating again. That way you know your decisions about giving up on the past relationship are not influenced by the new one and you aren’t masking baggage. Your post a week ago seems to indicate you are still attached to your XW and her feelings and choices.
I don’t have any hang ups about married and dating—but I would at least settle your feelings about your XW first. I waited 4-6mo after being “100% done” with my last relationship before dating again. That way you know your decisions about giving up on the past relationship are not influenced by the new one and you aren’t masking baggage. Your post a week ago seems to indicate you are still attached to your XW and her feelings and choices.
I imagine it gets easier to let the feelings go once I am dating and focusing on other people, vice sitting at home and doing nothing.. A couple nights with this lady has definitely inspired my mind to go forward..
Well what you want to do is build an amazing life that someone wants to become a part of moving forward. Focusing on another person will not bring you happiness. If it does it will be short lived.
I don’t have any hang ups about married and dating—but I would at least settle your feelings about your XW first. I waited 4-6mo after being “100% done” with my last relationship before dating again. That way you know your decisions about giving up on the past relationship are not influenced by the new one and you aren’t masking baggage. Your post a week ago seems to indicate you are still attached to your XW and her feelings and choices.
I imagine it gets easier to let the feelings go once I am dating and focusing on other people, vice sitting at home and doing nothing.. A couple nights with this lady has definitely inspired my mind to go forward..
I double down on what Ginger said. This is not the right approach. It is like having your arm severed and trying to use a bandaid on the stump. Find that inner strength, peace and happiness. If you assume dating someone new will fix your woes you will end up in the same situation down the line.
One of the biggest learnings I took from my most recent situation was that a healthy couple requires two grounded, happy, self-fulfilled individuals. Anything else is an over-attachment, too much stock put into the relationship recipe for distaster. That's what happened in my first sitch, we didn't deal with the underlying issues in the MR and we were a ticking timebomb for another walkaway scenario.
If it took a couple of nights with this lady to get you to start detaching from your EX, then I question whether you were putting in the hard work necessary to make your next R more successful.
Note, I'm not suggesting you don't date, that's up to you. But I would highly advise against using dating as your catalyst for moving forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I don’t have any hang ups about married and dating—but I would at least settle your feelings about your XW first. I waited 4-6mo after being “100% done” with my last relationship before dating again. That way you know your decisions about giving up on the past relationship are not influenced by the new one and you aren’t masking baggage. Your post a week ago seems to indicate you are still attached to your XW and her feelings and choices.
I imagine it gets easier to let the feelings go once I am dating and focusing on other people, vice sitting at home and doing nothing.. A couple nights with this lady has definitely inspired my mind to go forward..
I do agree sitting around doing nothing is also not good. Get out there and GAL! Staying busy is the best way to move forward with your life.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I imagine it gets easier to let the feelings go once I am dating and focusing on other people, vice sitting at home and doing nothing..
Hi Mach, you can not date, and not sit at home doing nothing. That's GAL. You know this. Sometimes I need reminders, too. You could be spending an evening with friends old or new, working on a fitness journey e.g. hiking or running or cross-fit, or learning a new skill e.g. painting or music or cooking with or without other people.
Originally Posted by Mach40
A couple nights with this lady has definitely inspired my mind to go forward..
There are studies showing rebounds can help you move on faster. For Fireman, the rebound angered his wife and she told the kids and said it nixed any R chances. For me, it complicated the R when it came a month after the rebound. That's where I'm coming from when I say to be certain you're truly done with your old relationship before you dabble in dating.
Rebounds can be damaging when you don't realize it is one. Without taking time to heal, you're flinging baggage at the other person. I think this is ethically sound for a brief hookup or vacation fling, but unethical if they seek deeper (feeling involved) unless you're transparent about how long you've been "over" your ex (which is NOT your separation date, ::cough:: Steve_).
Finally, when the rebound runs its course, feelings about your ex typically return. KitKat (wonderful soul I miss) was devastated when a brief rebound (pilot) ended. I suspect much of the pain was unprocessed feelings about the old breakup returning now that the distraction had ended. Those painful feelings grow weaker by processing them, not by running from them.
You do you! After I left my XW (LBS), I quickly had a one-night stand with another woman (honestly, mediocre sex). It usefully drove a wedge between us that helped me not to look back.
Sometimes I need reminders, too. You could be spending an evening with friends old or new, working on a fitness journey e.g. hiking or running or cross-fit, or learning a new skill e.g. painting or music or cooking with or without other people.