BL, awesome post. Just one point of clarification. Unfortunately in most places he cannot just kick her out of the house. He can kick her out of the MBR (if she is still in there). By packing her stuff up and moving it into another room. When she protests "While you are acting like a single person, and cheating on me, you cannot sleep in the MBR."
Originally Posted by may22
Originally Posted by BL42
You could pack up her stuff one night she's out partying and have it in the garage when she comes back.
No, you can't do that. That is probably illegal. I think this as well as packing her stuff up and moving it out of the MBR all smacks of trying to control her and tell her what to do.
For the record I never suggested he kick her out of the house (E.g., change the locks...whatever), which he likely does not have the right to do that at this point. I simply said an option was packing up her stuff and moving it out of the MBR to the garage or basement or wherever. Certainly fair to debate whether that's controlling behavior and whether it's proper DB'ing technique, but (with the standard "consult an L" caveat) I highly doubt it's illegal...no laws to say you can't move clothes and shoes from one room to another.
Also, if you read costanza's latest post his W's already not sleeping in the MBR on her own accord:
Originally Posted by costanza
She doesn't sleep in the MBR with me anymore.
My main point was she's having an affair and his sitch is most likely heading towards a separation soon regardless of what he does, yet he's coming across with these little questions as scared of that happening and thinking if he buys her lunch and asks about her work project maybe she might stay. Better he act strong and get strong now and A) know it's going to happen and B) he'll be alright regardless. Personally, in retrospect I wish I had packed up my ExW's stuff and left it for her with a note when she came back late night from hooking up at work with OM1. Doubt it would've changed the end result, but I'd feel much stronger about standing up to the bad behavior. Anyway, just my $0.02...feel free to disagree.
Ok, I took it wrong. I just think there are things you have to be careful with legally. Certainly support costanza finding his inner-strength and standing up for himself. And would certainly support him kicking her out of the MBR if she weren't already sleeping elsewhere. And I even support him boxing her things up and moving to which ever room she is sleeping in.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
