You have the opportunity to pass on such wisdom to your boys. To explain such internal workings of emotion, irrational, forgiveness, and acceptance. To provide rational understanding to some of life’s most irrational and poorly understood or faced facets. To influence growth along the path of light. That’s the general path and life I’ve advised and the influence I’ve passed on to my kids.D
And you did well. Although I don't always succeed yet I'm trying to give this wisdom to my children as well.
Originally Posted by Kind18
I’ve just read this topic from start to finish.
Dear Kind18,
Thank you very much for answering my thread. I can imagine if you read my story from start to finish you can clearly see through certain things, I won't anymore unfortunately since I'm playing the leading role
Much of your feedback is in a certain way correct, although let me explain some things in detail.
Originally Posted by Kind18
You talk about your husband’s small awakenings… but what I see through this thread is your slow awakening - to his manipulation, his selfishness, his mental health problems.
Yes, I have had several awakenings although it is a slow process.
Originally Posted by Kind18
One thing I’ve noticed, is that although you seem to be committed to the cause of seeing this through, you do routinely seem to be buoyed when husband peeks out of the tunnel. It makes me wonder if deep down, you see this divorce as pushing him to a place where he admits it’s all his fault… and then you get back together. Don’t get me wrong, you hear of stories like that from time to time. But it is exceedingly rare.
I think you should work on this. As you walk through this journey, you need to get to a place where the indifference is much stronger. Where your husband’s reactions or peeks out of the tunnel are unimportant, amusing or where you don’t even realise they are occurring because you’re so detached.
I agree with you on this in a lot of ways. I'm well detached, I'm living my life, I think of him quite often but not that it has a huge influence on my current life, but I can't seem to get to the point where I'm indifferent towards his actions or behavior. I guess the biggest reason for that is because he has been a clinging boomerang for 2 years, and the last 6 months more of a boomerang.
Can you actually get to a place of indifference if you still have hope for reconcilliation, to my honest opinion I do not believe this is possible.
I do believe my current marriage is over, therefore I'm pushing through with divorce now. For a long time I wanted to but I didn't have the strength yet, and therefore I failed each time. This is not the case anymore.
Originally Posted by Kind18
I think you’re doing a fine job walking the line between protecting yourself, but still allowing your husband to have a relationship with his kids into the future.
This has always been my main goal.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Your posts are largely focussed on your divorce, your husbands behaviour, what he may or may not be thinking and how he is reacting to conversations/messages/letters etc.
What about you? Part of healing is learning to focus on yourself. Spend less time everyday focussed on the crazy reactions and behaviour, and more time each day on yourself. How are you keeping busy? Do you have some hobbies? Are you keeping fit and eating well? Research has shown time and time again the best thing you can do for your own mental health is regular exercise.
We want to hear more about Eagle, and less about a crazy MLC’er.
I had to laugh with this part but very kind of you to ask. I knew there would be a time somebody would ask me this.
I don't tell much about myself on this forum. This is not because I'm not looking after myself, but I really use this forum to help me and give me advice about the difficulties I'm facing with MLC in general but also simply to vent. I have very close relatives and good good friends who have been aware of the story since the beginning. They can't help me with that (that's why I come here) but they do care about my wellbeing and always took care of me in the worst of times. Those times are over luckily.
But since you were so kind to ask I definitely owe you an answer :):
- Since I have 3 teenagers on a full time basis much time is spent with them and I love it. I have a great connection with all 3 of them. Many of my friends admire the way of how we interact with each other.
- I work out 3 times/week (power and HIIT trainings) since about a year now and once a week I go for a long walk with one of my friends.
- Once or twice a weekend I invite family or friends or I'm invited somewhere.
- Sleeping and eating was terrible the first year, the 2nd year this was completely gone. I don't have any problems anymore with either of them. Back to the way it was before BD (sleep is even better now)
- I have a great job whereby I can fully explore my qualities and I meet a lot of people.
- I'm planning to obtain an additional diploma as from next year, when the D is final and I'm settled in my new home.
- I love travelling so this is something I continue to do so, most of the times with my children, but sometimes also some me-time for a few days.
Therefore Kind18, I'm definitely there to live my life without him, I have done this for the past 30 months now but the indifference isn't coming as yet. Will it ever? I honestly don't know.
