DNJ and other have given you some wonderful advice.
I’m excited that you’ve had the strength and conviction to end this marriage.
You talk about your husband’s small awakenings… but what I see through this thread is your slow awakening - to his manipulation, his selfishness, his mental health problems.
One thing I’ve noticed, is that although you seem to be committed to the cause of seeing this through, you do routinely seem to be buoyed when husband peeks out of the tunnel. It makes me wonder if deep down, you see this divorce as pushing him to a place where he admits it’s all his fault… and then you get back together.
Don’t get me wrong, you hear of stories like that from time to time. But it is exceedingly rare.
I think you should work on this. As you walk through this journey, you need to get to a place where the indifference is much stronger. Where your husband’s reactions or peeks out of the tunnel are unimportant, amusing or where you don’t even realise they are occurring because you’re so detached.
I think you’re doing a fine job walking the line between protecting yourself, but still allowing your husband to have a relationship with his kids into the future.
Quote
Yesterday, after his call, I sent a message to thank him for his openness, that I know this must not have been easy for him to do.
His reply was, isn't this the least I can do? Then 4 hours later the following message,
"I have to get through and I don't have a choice but to look into the eye of the storm."
I didn't sent a response anymore since I don't really understand what he meant with that, so I left it as it is.
I wouldn’t go initiating messages thanking him for anything. These conversations are him trying to feel less guilt about what he has done. That’s just not really your problem to solve. You can feel sorry for him and his regret/guilt, but it’s not your job any more to comfort him or praise him. I know this is hard, because as LBS we still feel strong urges to protect our spouse, but his grief is now his problem to deal with.
Your posts are largely focussed on your divorce, your husbands behaviour, what he may or may not be thinking and how he is reacting to conversations/messages/letters etc.
What about you? Part of healing is learning to focus on yourself. Spend less time everyday focussed on the crazy reactions and behaviour, and more time each day on yourself. How are you keeping busy? Do you have some hobbies? Are you keeping fit and eating well? Research has shown time and time again the best thing you can do for your own mental health is regular exercise.
We want to hear more about Eagle, and less about a crazy MLC’er.
