There is nothing you can do right now to end the affair or get your wife back.
How does that feel? Crappy right? Used to fixing things? Used to finding a way? Familiar with the feeling that if you work hard enough, anything is possible? None of that applies now, there is nothing you can do. You need to surrender to that, grieve it and find peace with it. Fighting against it sets you up as their adversary, pushes them together and you away. If you continue to actively try to disrupt the affair and get your wife back, you will only dig your hole deeper and deeper, and that will be a debt that will take you a long time to recover from.
There are things you can control and things you can not. Focus on the things you can control. You and your behavior and the way you interact with her are under your control. Changing the way you interact is part of this process. How hard is it to change your own behavior? Most find it a challenge and can do it with focus and determination. Now think how hard it is to change someone else's. Almost impossible. One of my frustrations with posters is getting them to change. I can't make you change. You have to have a deep desire to change and have faith that what we recommend is better than staying the same.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
