4 months after BD

[BL42]

Galaga,

"I only kissed him". Which deep down I'm starting to disbelieve.

If she admitted she kissed him, she went further. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Don’t ever believe what they say, believe what they do.

There is a 99% chance they did more than kiss. She's almost certainly still lying. Sorry man. You should pack up anything of hers she hasn't already taken and leave it on the porch for her. Having her stop in little by little isn't going to help your emotional state nor will it promote a recon, plus taking action will make you feel stronger.

Son 19 was here when she picked up stuff today and asked her if I knew she was here .....if not she wasn't allowed in.

What do S19 and S21 think about the situation? They're living with you. Are they "team dad", or trying to stay neutral?

I used to drink a fair bit and over the last 4-5 years started drinking more and would be angry (never violent) and never seemed happy.

Why were you drinking more? Why were you unhappy? Were you frustrated about job, friends...your marriage? You should probably think hard on this one. Don't know if it's the case here, but often times the LBS spouse is often frustrated with their marriage but that gets lost in the fear and sense of loss after BD. Is it possible you weren't happy either and were acting out because of it? Something to ponder and reflect on as you work on becoming a better man for the future.

Have you given any more thought to this?