I was actually considering confronting her with "look, this isn't working, I've been approached by an old friend/x-GF about seeing each other and I'm gonna go ahead with it, I just wanted to be honest and up front.
If you honestly want any hope the marriage will survive this is a terrible idea. At best manipulative to tell her, at worst perhaps a bit revealing to your real motives/issues. Why would your x-GF reach out? How would she know you & your W are having issues? Suspicious timing, no?
Look, it's a blow to the ego to have our W in an affair with another man...I know. You're maybe fearful she'll move on before you, maybe you have a desire for revenge...etc., but it's not a good path. Take time to step back and work on yourself and focus on your kids. They don't need both mommy and daddy running off into fantasy land right now.
Not sure how I missed this! Wow.
costanza what would be the point of confronting her and saying that? Is the hope/expectation that she would say "Oh wait! I don't want to lose you! Don't do it!"?? That is not DBing. That is manipulation. That is trying to "scare her straight". And it would not end well. Even IF you get the reaction you would want, you could put no trust into it. Why? Because likely she needs you as Plan B. So her reaction wouldn't be a genuine "I don't want to lose you", it would be a "I am not ready to give up my safety net, so until I find something better please don't do this".
Secondly, even though you cannot count on her living up to the "we won't date until January" (which is a ridiculous agreement as stated previously), it is agreement you made! The new you should be living up to his word, no matter what she is doing or not doing. You are above all of that. That is the 180s and self-improvements you are making, a man of integrity, not spite and vengefulness.
Also, WASs LOVE when their LBS goes out and starts seeing someone else, even if they make a play to be against it. Why? It lets them off the hook. Many a LBS has stood in D court, and when the WAS' infidelity came up for whatever reason, the WAS quickly said "the LBS did it too!" And even if it doesn't come up in D court, it certainly will come up with family, friends, and someday your kids. "Momma, what happened between you and daddy?" "Daddy and I were unhappy so we started seeing other people." Now she may say that anyway, but certainly you don't want it to be true! So you stay above her deplorable behavior by being a man only a fool would leave. And threatening to date an old flame ain't that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
