Did you ever have a sit down with ex and go over boundaries, issues etc to keep things civil?
No, it sounds like a confused concept. A boundary is a limit you place on yourself--e.g., "I'm not going to accept coffee shop invites." You enforce it by saying "No, thank you." to coffee shop invites. There's normally no need for a deep conversation about your limits. You be civil, by being civil. You don't control whether she's civil. What is it you're really wanting to say to her just now?
