Wayfarer: Yes, I've been in IC since 1/2020. I wasn't sure about it for a bit. Seemed expensive and not worth it but over time I feel like its really helped me do some good work in regards to feeling my emotions, its helped me cut myself some slack during these times and recognize that this is a hard time, I might have days when I just can't focus or I might need to take some mental health breaks. Its also helped me listen more to myself and my needs related to rest or sleep or time in nature, etc. And I hope the work will eventually help me think through and rediscover my purpose - I'd say that is something I'm thinking about and working on.
LH: I know I haven't lost the kids - but I have lost time with them, that's what I meant and it hurts. And my family has changed, I miss the feeling of togetherness as a family unit that used to exist. Its different now.
CW: The worst for me is that the kids consistently forget stuff at her house. Every time I have to drive over there or see her I basically start cussing her out in my mind and get pissed off. In time, I'm sure that will go away, but for now its a bummer of a way to start a day (she lives next to their school, so this often happens when I drop them off).
Steve: I think working through your questions is a part of the process for me. As I get space and can look back at things that happened I'm able to more clearly identify the insanity.
The part of me that would take her back gets smaller daily. When I look back I struggle to believe what I dealt with and what I tried to do to hold it together. I'm not sure anyone could have gotten through to me to let it go or for me to actually walk away from her.
Over the past year I have made a list of all the issues I have with her and what she would need to own and work on if she ever changed her mind. Its a long list.
Once the divorce is final, I don't think I will ever allow her back. I signed all of my paperwork - I assume she will sign as soon as she gets it and it will be submitted.
Then I will work diligently to go through my church for an annulment - I think I will be able to get one granted, though its never a sure thing. As each of these things happens it moves me further down the path to a healthier space.
For now, I've got to deal with what is in front of me which is sadness, grieving and mourning. And its not like I'm completely depressed, but I need to experience these emotions fully to move through it. I just wish there was a better faster way to do it. I think everyone just has to go through it at their own pace.
