^ With kids, no matter their age, you have to have some level of friendship with ex.. Unless there is abuse or something else, I cant see not being friendly/friends during events etc. if around each other. Now, maybe you mean not being friends going out and doing things together as if nothing has happened.. This would and can send mixed signals.
Then we just started talking about other things, as if nothing has changed. Feelings get triggered quickly, but I know she is way further down the GAL phase than I am...
This needs to stop until you can emotionally handle it.
^ With kids, no matter their age, you have to have some level of friendship with ex..
You don't. My long-term XGF saw her XH during Back to School Night last year, and it was the first time she'd seen him in 3 years. I'm friends with my XW and we have no interest in meeting new partners. My GF is friendly with her XH and he's okay with meeting me. I've been amazed in my 11 years since divorce how many different varieties of ex relationships are out there. I recommend against "feuding" with your ex, but beyond that, it's whatever works best for you.
Okay, so when I am invited to Thanksgiving, B Days, and Christmas etc, just be friendly.. The only other issue is when she asks to go to lunch or get coffee......Just saying, as it has and will happen.
Okay, so when I am invited to Thanksgiving, B Days, and Christmas etc, just be friendly..
Mach, that's up to what would feel good to you. I don't do Christmas with my ex. This year, the kids will spend the early part of Christmas vacation and Christmas Eve at mom's, and Christmas Day and the later part of Christmas vacation at dad's. My kids look forward to Christmas with me because it normally means a trip to find and chop down a treee plus a vacation--my ex was allergic to road trips, so that's uniquely me. I'm curious if a combined Christmas is a tradition you plan to continue once you have new partners. If not, consider what tradition(s) you want to begin around the holiday season?
You might ask, "Doesn't this contradict my XW being a friend?!" Well, I don't do Christmas Day with friends. For me, the holiday is about spending time with my close family. To each their own.
If you're struggling, stronger boundaries, to begin with, may be helpful.
Okay, so when I am invited to Thanksgiving, B Days, and Christmas etc, just be friendly.. The only other issue is when she asks to go to lunch or get coffee......Just saying, as it has and will happen.
"I appreciate the invite, however I have plans of my own. Thank you though!"
She she asks to go get lunch or coffee, you are busy. She may ask with what, just respond that you are busy and it is none of her business with what.
Mach40, what you have been doing hasn't worked. You obviously are struggling with it. So start changing your approach.
As far as the holidays, surely you both have put a child care plan in place? "I get Thanksgiving, you get the day after. I get Christmas Eve, you get Christmas morning and Christmas. I get NYE, you get NY's day." Next year we flip that. The next year back to this. Rinse repeat.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
