Can you shed some light please? How is nesting so bad? I'm still kinda new here. How does one say no exactly? I don't really see how I can expect any cooperation here? Shall I move out and give up the house? Shall I ask her to move out and buy her out? Isn't this what's best for the kids? The thought of uprooting them so fast seems so harsh.
Your initial posture should be: if she is interested in separation or divorce, she can move to the couch and she can move out. Why should you unseat yourself as the paterfamilias if she wants out or is having an affair? The longer this drags on, the weaker your position becomes. You will compromise, make yourself smaller, meet her needs and then she'll walk all over you. Don't wait for her to act. Time to take control back. People respond to that. Being an emotional chameleon, "trying" to be detached doesn't work. Set boundaries. This is hard, but, it helps avoid all the back and forth. Does she want to be married to you or not? Thus far she said she wants a separation or a divorce. Act on that. If you want something else, state it. You can say, "If you want to work on this marriage, fine, if you don't, I have some decisions to make in the next few weeks." Strength and clarity.
