SSRI's and divorce - Wife doesn't love me anymore

[BL42]

wayfarer,

Sure you're right we're all trying to Dx our spouses when we get here. I get that. But the point of all this is, is to Dx ourselves.

Great thought.

No worries, Steve. Other posters don't discourage me. Ask LH..lol.

That's it Way it will take more then a little BL kick back to keep you off lol.

Phew! I'd hate to be the reason anyone here backed off! The more points of view in these threads the better.

costanza,

I’m going to give you some advice if it comes to separation. Do your due diligence to find out if there is an affair. If there is do not do the “nesting” arrangement where you go back and forth to an apartment. Thats a cake eaters dream scenario.

1) Don't nest ("rotate the family home"). I know people who have. It's a horrible arrangement for the left-behind spouse. Find your backbone and say no before it's too late.

Do not agree to a nesting arrangement.

Let me add my voice to the choir. Do not rotate the home. Your kids are young...are you going to do that for the next decade and a half? No, of course not. You're probably going along with it because you hope it'll be your way to hang on and in a few months she'll see the error of her ways and move back. Sorry to say this because it [censored] to hear, but more likely is she'll hook up with her coworker in the EA or start dating someone else and it'll be rough for you. Be strong up front. If she wants to break up the marriage and the family make her fully commit to the path and bare the brunt of it.

She's also been asking me for details about a few nights I went out, like where and with who. I don't think it actually bothers her, but maybe a little?

No need to over share...
W: Where are you going? You: Out. W: Who are you going with. You: A friend.

She promises there is no one else, and she's always been so brutally honest that I believe her.

Did some ground work and found there was an EA with a colleague after her D-bomb, (so it's not cheating technically) it lasted a couple weeks, flirting via chat, but it didn't get physical, they ended it before it started up cause it was getting complicated. Obviously door is still open for a weak or drunken moment.

So now you've confirmed at least an EA, which didn't seem possible before. Hate to say it, but there's likely more. How did you verify? Did you confront her about it? How do you know it didn't become physical or that it's over?

Our stance from the start was we respect each other and the kids by putting off any dating or getting physical until January our planned separation date. Starting Jan, we were supposed to rotate the family home to keep the kids somewhere stable at least for a little while, maybe longer. Now my issue is, she was really close and willing to start up with a coworker, so i'd be niaive to think she's not actively "out there". My instinct is to tell her to move out before getting physical with anyone and then sharing the bed with me.

There is absolutely no way you enforce this or can trust her to uphold her agreement. It's maybe even likely she's already physical with her coworker. Maybe she just wants the perception of separation before that comes to light - thinking you or her family or others in the community won't think as poorly of her if she separates and then "finds" this new guy.

What's better? Keeping her close so the effects of GAL, being the best version of me, without putting any pressure on her, etc.. Or ask her to leave because I see she's already actively on the prowl? I guess telling her to leave would make it seem like it's bothering me and could be seen as me starting another discussion, so i assume i should avoid it?

Costanza, your questions continue to be trying to figure out what to do to get a result. And I can tell you that if you continue to "act" just to get a desired result you'll continue to spin and do the wrong things. You GAL.... For you. You 180... For you. You work on detachment... For you. Until you get that she will feel watched and manipulated.

^What SteveLW said.