So here's a quick list of how I messed up in the past year, maybe more:
I wasn't the strong independent person she met. I became weak. I was soo busy trying to support her through the postpartums and the kids, that I totally lost who i was. I was seeing friends very little, and hardly had any hobbies going. I let her make most decisions, so she didn't have a reason to get upset with me. I wasn't sweeping her off her feet anymore, I wasn't making her laugh as much. I confronted her about the smoking and drinking, probably not the right way. I was super supportive the first 18 months of her smoking, but then when she started the drinking and going out, I was a lot less understanding and easy going. Through all this stress, I lost my positivity, my insecurities came out. I became resentful that she'd let our house and relationship fall apart. I guess I tried to control her drinking and smoking, but she's a very strong person, controlling her is not an option. Wayfarer is way off the mark there, like on quite a few other points as well since I'm being honest. No offence Wayfarer, you made a couple of good points, and I will still take your advice when relevant. I didn't give her a safe space to open up to me, I was to quick to judge when she was going through a hard time and being open with me.
