Unsure where we are going

[Ready2Change]

I do not know how social you are, but If I were in your shoes, I would make it a goal to interact with everyone at the bbq, learn and remember as many of their names and "their story" as possible. Make it about them. DO NOT FOLLOW W around like a puppy dog. Most likely she will start following you. If you want more input on this, let us know.

This is exactly my plan. I am not the most sociable person and actually prefer sitting in the house reading, than going out to parties. My wife is very sociable. I definitely want some more input on this!

Here is my generic thought process:

#1) Are kids going with us? If not, who is watching the kids while both parents are out of the house? Who makes arrangements for a sitter (you or spouse)? This is an opportunity for some 180's. Most of the time the woman is dealing with this type of stuff in advance. BBQ is a little grey for me, but I believe kids are typically OK at BBQs. BUT, you might be able to talk to your parents or siblings and see if anyone is available. Lets say your mother says she can. Then:

H&W sitting in silence.
H:"My mom said she could watch the kids if we needed her while we went to your friends house for BBQ."

W:"The kids are going with us."
H:"Perfect. I will let mom know."

There may be many other responses. The important part is you get more information. There is less confusion at that point. You should

You also have other choices. Maybe it is more important to YOU that your kids be with your family while you are at BBQ with W's friends.

Then it goes like this:

H&W sitting in silence.
H:"I've arranged with my mom to watch the kids while we are at your friends house for BBQ."
W:"I wanted the kids with us."
H:"I believe it's best if the kids get some grandma time and we get some adult time"
Then validate. Do not argue. Stick to your guns about the importance of kid/grandma time etc.
(The ladies here may be able to elaborate on this)

#2) Style - How are you going to dress? I would dress a little more stylish than your normal. Something new that W has not seen you wear. Do not go overboard, but you should look sharp. You have two weeks to find something. You can also carry this idea into your normal everyday. Start dressing a little sharper than the "old you". I am a t-shirt, ball cap and shorts guy, but when I go out with my lady, it is jeans and a button up. Hair styled. I will pick an accent, Normally a necklace. Ladies almost always notice a guys shoes. If you are on a tight budget, new shoes and a nice shirt.


#3) Most likely you will get introduced to some people. Focus hard on remembering there name. That is the most important thing in any conversation. Pick something unique about them and tie it to your memory. John the guy with the cowboy hat. Sue with the polka dot handbag. Most people like to talk. I just listen to their stories and focus on tying all of it together. Name/story/our interaction/their unique identifier.

#4) Cold approaching others is similar. identify some things that are unique at the BBQ. Maybe they have 10 cats. You notice someone else near you looking at one of the cats. "I wonder if they all have names?" Could be a convo starter. After the cat talk, introduce yourself. Remember the guys name. Ask him who he knows here. Or better how he knows everyone. Remember their names and his story about them. Exchanging contact info with people you connect with is good.

#5) Ride home. (Pick up the kids??). My lady and I talk about the people we meet. This is level of talk you want with your lady. Gives you something to talk about on the ride home. Clarifies details in you mind.

H&W driving home in silence.
H:"John was interesting."
W most likely talks.