I have to say, it definitely comes across to me like you're coming out pretty harsh and hostile against costanza right out of the gate. We're all in agreement that A) the SSRIs shouldn't be his main focus and B) he should self-reflect on his contributions to the demise of the marriage, but it's not unreasonable for him to wonder whether they're a factor...most people coming to this board are trying to diagnose the problem so they can find a remedy. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a controlling/monster of a husband.
Sure you're right we're all trying to Dx our spouses when we get here. I get that. But the point of all this is, is to Dx ourselves.
A lot of LBH's and some LBW's resort to control out of anxiety because of their sitch. They don't even realize they are doing it. Nor do they realize until it's far too late that part of the reason they are here is they were resorting to control almost the entirety of the relationship out of insecurity. The sooner an LBS recognizes the behavior the sooner all of us can see if they're anxiety ridden due to the chaos and trying to control things because they can't just "let go, and let god." Or if they've been trying to control things the whole time and the WS rebelling because of that, like a teenager. Because those are two totally different types of control. Which the one off advice of detach is good for, but if it's been a relationship long affliction it's not that simple. And you're right there is the final level of control which is the one you think I'm accusing him of, the controlling ahole. We don't see a lot of them around here but every once in a while one will pop up. I don't necessarily think he's that guy but I have no way of knowing that. The details and thought process here outside of 'SSRI's are the devil' is pretty scant.
Based on the fact that C's doubling down and going with "Her SSRI's made me do it" I stand by my vibes that there is some flavor of control issue here that I can't put my finger on until I see otherwise. And since that's the case here I will do as I usually do in these situations, let other people handle it until I have anything else to say of use. Clearly, as of now, nothing I say is of use.
