Ok, quick update. I think yesterday was good. I had the day off work and she was back at work and the kids where at school.
I got up went to the gym. When the kids had dinner I sat with them and talked about their day. The wife was in the living room. I put the kids to bed. Went downstairs, wife was in living room on her phone, doing whatever! I sat in the living room and read my book, didnt start any conversation at all. We both sat in silence for about 1-1/2 hours. Her on phone, me reading. She then started to ask me about a birthday party for our youngest. I was polite and welcoming but didnt try to keep holding the conversation. She then talked about her work for a bit. Later she went upstairs and said goodnight.
It would seem you are getting into that zone that you are second guessing every action, conversation and thought about your wife. Every conversation, every little thing is being scrutinized. You can't keep this up for long. Why? It's exhausting. And...your wife can tell. She can see that you are dancing around her. Any change of behavior is, admit it or not, a way to change the outcome of this whole mess you're in. It makes her trust you less. To be honest, GAL, and being detached is very hard. How do you work hard at looking like you are not working hard? It's exhausting, bro. Very few people can be that Zen. Give yourself a break. Be yourself.
In my experience, unless you are a complete jerk, changing yourself, becoming your "best" self, doing 180's don't really last. Eventually you will revert to who you basically are. I've seen it on these boards before - intense personal change that lasts for 12, 18 or 24 mos and then you slip back. Sorry to say this, but it's inevitable. The divorce gets busted and then, 2 yrs later they are back on the boards and the marriage is toast. Personal change is super hard. If you're wife doesn't like who you are, might as well end it sooner than later. Again, if you're a real jerk and need serious help, get it. If you're just a normal guy, you aren't going to turn into superman. You can't save this marriage alone. Two people need to compromise and work at it. You will hear in the forums that 180's and being solution oriented are really just emergency measures to get their attention. GAL is for your own sanity. The real hard work of repairing a marriage is 50/50 and In the end, she has to want the marriage as much as you do.
